He left then Cheated ---Now What???

[runningoutoftime]

I know it feels painful and awful, but one thing I've learned... you don't want them back until they are completely ready to come back. In other words you want them certain they want to be with you. Also, I think if your own metamorphis isn't complete, or you haven't had a good amount of transformation and healing, you are not ready. You won't be ready to have him come back (or to be in any healthy relationship for that matter). Sometimes these painful situations are filled with growth and learning. I think my months in D were some of the very worst months of my life, but I also came out of it a different person. I learned a lot of positive things about myself. I became a stronger person, and loved myself much more.

Another thing I learned... the most generous, and purest love you can give is unselfish, and unconditional. It's wanting someone to find their happiness, even if it means you aren't it. Very very very painful.... but I personally found a lot of healing in that. I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too off-the-wall. I know for me it allowed me to move on and let go of anger or bitterness.

[Florie]

On the diet matter - I am at 25 lbs and hoping to level off so I still have some boobs and butt :o). Since he still lives there, I am much better eating when I am out of the house on my own or with friends than in the house. The house sucks the appetite away.

The email from your husband would be very encouraging to me just fron the standpoint that he is being thoughtful about the situation and seems to realise that he doesn't always have his head on straight and needs to think before reacting. I think staying dark is the way to go too. He is saying he will respond so reaching out or pressuring that seems like it would only be negative. I think you are doing the right thing - good for you!

[No Longer BH]

Ok, so I have a question. I moved 2 hours away from all of my friends and people I was GAL with. It was the right move because my family is helping me emotionaly/financialy, but still I am feeling isolated. Does anyone have any suggestion on how to go about meeting people just to have fun with (and I am NOT talking about how to date)? I thought about joining a divorce recovery group but since I am not divorced (and do not want to be) I did not know if that was a good idea. I would love to join a book club but do not know how to go about doing it. Any suggestions?

[Florie]

Here are a few things I would suggest for meeting people...

1. volunteering! you can pick something that might be more social since there are all sorts of different opportunities
2. if you run or walk, a lot of times there are running and/or walking clubs you can get involved with
3. check out bulletin boards in your local library, book store, grocery store etc. for book clubs maybe? I was in one once and it was a lot of fun!
4. take a class (wine tasting? yoga?)

I think it is great that you are looking for ways to meet more people - I always feel better if I get out and hang out with people.

good luck!

[Starshyne]

heartbroken...do we live anywhere near each other? I so want to find friends to hang out with and do things with! I get so lonely here by myself (especially on the weekends). I have looked at the St. Louis meetups, but nothing strikes me as great. I have looked on craigslist for the friends section, but I dont' know about that...

Sara

[Starshyne]

Ooops...you name is brokenhearted...no heartbroken...but you knew who I meant.

[No Longer BH]

Sara,

I would love to meet up with someone how knows exactly what it is like to be living in this hell. I am currently in Columbia right now, but my home is in Clayton. Where are you?

[Starshyne]

I am in Alton...across the bridge.

[LL44]

(waving hands in the air)

....working in downtown StL right now, with a view of the Arch. Hope 11 is around this area too.......

[Starshyne]

Really? We should all get together and do something