hey i know i'm not perfect either, but I work full time and always have, and do pretty much everything to keep the household running from running the kids everywhere despite working full time, dinner, cleaning, etc, you name it,, and ya pick an OW who does nothing.... I just don't get it.
The one thing I've seen in common about the OWs on this board (besides the fact they all seem dysfunctional or they wouldn't be having affairs with married men with kids) is that they always seem to be the opposite of us. I'm a stay-at-home mom devoted to the kids and H chose a workaholic mom who neglects her kids (I was told that by friends who know her D and the D is always with her dad & when H was living with me he was either with the OW or they were texting each other), my H was being neglectful of our kids too, but that's another story....
It sounds to me like some or maybe all of what your H is feeling for the OW in his case is sympathy or pity, not love. And the OW sounds very manipulative so that doesn't make things easier. I know they say 90% of affairs fail, and I would def. think their is going to be in the 90%, no question they will break up as soon as your H can escape her cluthes!
I would agree with Sue you might want to try counseling and/or AD's & see if that helps. I do both and have found them very helpful. I was seriously depressed and it took that to get me out of it I think.
I also think it did help me to do a lot of the things recommended in DB & DR. It made me feel like I was more in control and less powerless to GAL and figure out 180s and try to work on them. It will help you, and if it helps your R then that is frosting.
And keep posting here when you have sadness or anger. I think it is good to vent here instead of on our WAS, and this board has been such a lifeline to me! Karen
Karen