So sorry its been a rough week. I am so sorry. Having the OW so close to your H when you are not close is horrible. I know from experience. Its like they are stealing their emotions/physical stuff from you and giving it to them. Hurts beyond words.
Have you read DR/DB? You need to find yourself some space.
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how can I talk knowing she is sitting right there beside him
No more calls to H, no more voicemails to H, no more contact unless the kids need something dire. Nothing. None. Nothing. If he calls you, make it light and quick, and about the kids. Its your turn to be selfish, your turn to ignore him and make your days brighter. As you said yourself, he knows how you feel, he knows that he can't have both. So if, at the moment, he is choosing OW, then follow through and don't let him have both.
You cannot change him, nor will anything you do or say make them 'break up'. It will unravel on its own and in the meantime, you take care of you.
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and not worried so much about me,, but about our boys and how much this "back and forth" game is messing with them..
But you see. How YOU react and how YOU are around them is directly affecting them. You need a 'game face' for your kids. You need to speak in positive terms about H and then work on your relationship with your boys.
Your children deserve a happy, healthy mom. You deserve so much more.
