What are the odds? Don't give up! You never know. Things can change in a heartbeat. I know I sound excited, but dude, that was a sign from God! Had to be. What other explaination?
Try to keep you words kind. Don't put yourself at her level. She might have been fishing for a different response.
I don't know, but now might be a good time to try to talk to her. Really talk. And listen. But keep your emotions in check.
Maybe I'm just freaking out for you!
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
ROP, I hope you are reading, rereading, rereading and rereading --- and making notes of the information in Michelle's books. You need to start DBing your a$$ off. Don't ever give W any information about trying to make her jealous or manipulate this situation (you have lost that card mister!!!). You are only making this easier for her to go. And whatever you do, don't get mad, angry, blaming or negative because you want her to regret losing such a great guy. And anything negative only makes it easier for her to move further away. Because she won't take your anger personally, she just will it as YOU being the problem.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
H4H, I agree, the song was a sign from God, and this sign was directed to me too. The only other explanation is that she came up with the whole story, but I don't think so, it was truly divine.... and more I think about it and more I am sure. This was the most powerful hit to crack the wall she built around her, and this is why. This song is very funny, but it is in Italian, so there is no reason to air it in US, anyway.... I heard it when I was a kid, my father use to sing it. When I met W I thought that our situation (specially mine) was very well portrayed in the lyrics of this song, so I started to look for it and I eventually found a recording of it back in Italy!! Me and W use to listen to it dancing and laugh a lot about it... it was so us... so it became also our wedding song, because in a way it makes fun of us when we met.... if there was anything in the world that could remind W (and me) how we where when we met this was the song.... and if I think about it I cannot stop crying.... we didn't listen to that song for so long. The sign was Divine and was for me too, because I am very ready to through the towel, I don't know how I can forgive her for what she did, I can't truly say I still love her, and I don't know how I can cancel the image of her in bed with somebody else.... I don't think I would be able to ever touch her again. But I feel like God put his hand down and he couldn't do more then this..... and I hear him saying..... here it is, now is your turn, but I really don't know what to do. But I know... I need to forgive if I want to be forgiven. W invited me for dinner with the kids, I said I couldn't, she insisted a bit, but I said no. I could tell she was needy, but I am not ready, I am afraid to put my hopes up just to be hit again. Now I need some space, today it was a shock, I got used to the cold blooded W that hated me, wanted the big D more then anything else so she could be with her new BF. I'll take a warm bath. And I'll try to pray a bit to do the right thing.
You need your space for you. Take it and work on healing. Even if W did change her mind tomorrow (and never expect that). What's left is a bunch of shattered pieces. There is a lot of work and healing that needs to happen first. Work on yourself. Take care....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thank you running - W is NOT going to come back tomorrow, this is why I am so afraid to put my hopes up, just to have them broken in a second. Today I went to the MC, and he was very impressed by the series of events of the last few days. He advised me to keep my distance, be relaxed and keep the position of - "I am done with R - I don't fight anymore - you have it your way" - he said it is important now not to make any mistakes - He is a big DB follower. He said I did well to expose my "lies" - because was a reinforcement that "now I could tell because I am done". I did also well not to go to dinner and I should keep this position. He said that if she thinks she can have me back she can keep staying in this "double world".
Today also my ExW got in touch with me - via IM, we chatted a bit, and it was nice, like I have found an old friend, we updated each other about our families - after 10 years many things are changed, her father, who I loved dearly, is very sick, and that saddened me. Things are doing well for her and I think she was sincerely sorry for what is happening to my marriage. I'd like to ask her some useful questions that could cast some light on my sitc, but I can't come up with anything.... I don't know - "why did you leave?" it sounds like there are things not solved and is not true - or.... "do you think there is something about me that makes Ws run away?" I'll think about it, in the meantime any suggestion is welcome.
Just dropping by to see how things are going a coupla miles south of me.
I don't know if my experience is helpful, but I'm finding that I need my space in a big way. My W kept sleeve-tugging, but was firm about D so the only way I could conceive of taking care of myself was to go dark. Told her today. That said, if she contacts me I'll be friendly and the generous man that I am.
I don't know if I'd ask XW why she left. Every sitch is different, right? I think you have the answers inside your head - are the problems yours or your Ws? Deal with your own, not your Ws.
BTW, isn't it funny how people suddenly reappear when you separate? I've had a lot of people contact me that I hadn't talked to in years.
You sound good, rop. Was I trippin' or what? You have made the right decisions recently and have shown her that you are a strong man. I am trying to be there, too.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I'd like to ask her some useful questions that could cast some light on my sitc, but I can't come up with anything.... I don't know - "why did you leave?" it sounds like there are things not solved and is not true - or.... "do you think there is something about me that makes Ws run away?" I'll think about it, in the meantime any suggestion is welcome.
To be a good DBer you need to stay away from ANY relationship talk. JUST FRIENDLY friendship-like LIGHT (not serious) communication for now. Everything positive... your whole thing should be about creating positive memories about the relationship. Another suggestion I have is talk less about you and more about listening to her, asking her impersonal questions. If she gets personal or starts talking about the relationship --change the subject!!! Talk to her like some aquaintance you happen to be standing next to at the deli!!!). ALL conversations and encounters need to end POSITIVE. This is your best chance of creating that.
A year from now you can ask those other questions, but I'll be happy to stab at a possible answer to one of your questions.... and it may answer the first one as well. (Although I could be completely offbase since you put your wives down and make them feel terrible, and drive them away... only kidding!!!! Seriously joking here!!!).
Q: "do you think there is something about me that makes Ws run away?"
Chances are you pick a particular "type" of woman....and this is probably subconscious. We all have characteristics we feel comfortable in the people we choose to move closer towards and connect with. Oftentimes we pick the same characteristics over and over... they are something we are used to and it just "feels right." (i.e. people who hook up with abusers, or alcoholics.... I tend to like quiet men who don't communicate well... some people are attracted to boisterous people, "free spirits," quiet people who like to hang around at home, or outgoing ones that like parties...etc...). There may be something in the women you are attracted to that makes them the type who want change in their life... or....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I am trying to concentrate on me BUT.... Today I got a call from a coworker of W... I don't really know him , but we talked a couple of time at the phone because he needed some advices.... so the call was.... Him: I think I saw you here at work with your W. Me: No I didn't come there for sometime. Him: Are you sure? because.... she was acting like she was with you... Me: No... it wasn't me Him: I think he is a coworker.... are you sure it wasn't you.... because.... Me: No it wasn't me Him: oh well....
I have to say the guy was nice, but it sucked.... really.... I felt very sad.
