I need a bit of encouragement - feeling really pants today....
I returned H's call (returning my text message about having a drink).... First part of conversation went really well. Second part not so good....
So H went to NZ for a friends wedding - he told me about it, his family etc. I was happy and validating. THEN He told me that he went out with his cousin and cousin's wife and told them everything that had happened in our R... And his cousins wife had said "dont worry... when I was 19 I cheated on a guy who really loved me and wanted to marry me, as a way to get out of the R". When H said that it just got me in the stomach. I guess I was thinking that H had shared that he had wanted out of our marriage and had used his cheating as a way to get out (which is entirely possible, but to talk about it with others, and for others to tell him that that's normal and everyone does it, was too much). So I got really quiet. I was just angry and hurt - how selfish is he, to say something like that to me NFC?!? And I guess I listened to him waffle on for 5 minutes more but I was very quiet. He asked how I was, and I couldnt really think of anything fun and happy to tell him. And then he said he was surprised to get my text where I had suggested that we meet up for a drink. At this point of the conversation I was thinking that that was a really bad suggestion - and I didnt want to see him. I cant really remember but I think I said, that I just wanted to catch up and see him, if he was interested. He said yeah, he was thinking that he might come over to my house for coffee one time after he has visited my next door neighbour (which is definitely NOT him asking me out for a drink).
I'm feeling crap. Had a big cry about it last night. Am mad at myself cause I know when he started to bring up R stuff I should have changed the subject back to light and happy topics, or just gotten off the phone. And I dont know what I feel about what he said - at the time it felt like he was giving me the explanation for why he cheated and left. Maybe I'm reading too much into it?? Surely if that was the reason he had cheated and left he wouldnt actually share it with me?!? (He is dumb though ;))
