in limbo and an emotional mess...

[MAZ]

Hi SusS

i'm here,, hasn't been a good week,,,she is still living at H's apt. and to top it off H bought a new car last friday (no I wasn't there for that but OW was), and she's been driving it all over creation... to make matters worse, H got hurt sunday working at a town event for the fire dept, ended up in the hospital and OW was there with him because I was busy at 2 different baseball fields watching "our" kids play baseball,, how did I find out,, OW called me,, so now I had to deal with her phone calls and the fact she was at the ER and not me,,, then she went back and spent the night at the hospital with him,, we went to visit H for a few hours once baseball was through and I cried the whole time,,, and he asks "whats wrong" DUH!!! now he is out of work for a week, can't drive,etc,, so now she is truely up his a** 24/7,, and yesterday was our 18th anniversary... tried to talk to him last nite after he said good nite to kids on the phone but told him I couldn't talk,, basically cried myself to sleep,, how can I talk knowing she is sitting right there beside him. so i'm sure she is playing the see i'm here for you 24 hrs a day where is your wife,,, umm not there because he's not "home" where he should be and i'm not going where she is,, did that last week and wasn't pretty,, my 15 y/o dressed in camo and wanted to "take her out" so he says,, ah that was another nite,,, its just been a crazy week,, so now that he can't drive, etc, for at least a few days I know I won't see him or talk to him unless she is gone for a while because she deletes his messages from his phone I'm almost ready to give up,, i've done everything I can but I can't compete with someone who has nothing to do but be there by his side 24/7 because she has NOTHING else, kid gone, no job, nothing,, so for now anyway i'm pretty much just sitting here with nothing except my boys,, who are getting tired of seeing me cry,, even though I try not to do it in front of them, sometimes it just happens. especially yesterday since it was our anniversary. H knows how I feel, problem is I truly think he thinks he can maintain both,,, and its not happening,, its got to be one or the other and I told him that the other day... he doesn't want to make that choice and like I told him you already made it but once she "got out" she messed with your head again and now we're back where we started. The pain is just too much sometimes,,, and not worried so much about me,, but about our boys and how much this "back and forth" game is messing with them..