I kind of feel that right now you are walking on a fence. To romance but not pursue; to go dark yet be her friend.
I'm a little psychic sometimes and I'm getting an image. Tell me if it has anything to do with you; the woman has short light brown hair with bangs. Kind of looks like a bowl cut.
Anyway, I don't know about your W's hair but the feeling I'm getting is that she is definitely still open to things working out through communication.
LOL way off on the hair thing but whatever. With me going semi-dark, meaning I do not initiate the contact unless it has to do with the kids, or I do not answer all of her calls she gets mad. Like this morning she called and said that I might want to start answering my phone in case daycare were to call about my son, duh that is what caller ID is for And she continued on about it and I said ok and she responded with a nasty thanks and hung up! I can see that it bothers her but just hope that it is not the wrong signal.
Everytime I see her now I am always as upbeat as possible. The other day I had to drop off my sons lunchbox and I was all giddy and went in and was saying hi to everyone and the such. She again offered me to sit down and eat before I went to work. Sometimes I wish I could read her mind and figure what she has going on upstairs!
Haven't forgotten about ya bro, just kinda had my plate full and haven't been real positive...
Will stop back later tonight and post. I have been reading and have some thoughts just busy right now, will also answer you on my thread thanks for stoppin in
You just make sure you stay positive!! Keep your chin up buddy and we will get through this together! You do your stuff first and you can post here when you feel up to it! Take care
I'm kind of at a loss myself. On the one hand, it sure seems like she wants you to court her. After all she accepted the date and keeps asking you to stay and eat, etc.
On the other hand she gets nasty whenever you say no or don't pick up the phone.
I suppose they are both consistent. She's getting nasty when you say no because she's taking it as a rejection.
But what are you supposed to do? Let her control you so you're afraid to say the wrong this for fear she'll divorce you?
Has she brought up the date that was supposed to take place last weekend?
The key to no contact is to make it look like you're getting on with your life.
Just refusing to answer the phone because you're not wanting to answer her calls, especially if she gets that impression, just leads to pissing her off.
You've been upbeat around her, that's good. And probably why she asks you to stay for dinner.
No contact is not a punishment on her. It's an opportunity for you to unplug from the drama that keeps you messed up inside. If you're not answering your phone, have a good reason why. Don't sell this as though "I'm cutting you off!" Sell it as "Sorry darling, I was out with Larry and Mo doing a little golfing and didn't realize you had called." When you do speak to her, you should be upbeat and positive, kind and friendly. No realtionship talks, no questions about you and her and your marriage.
Get it?
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
No she has not brought up the date that was supposed to happen.
She does have me very confused. It seems that when I am trying to be the "new and improved" version of me she responds very nicely as one would imagine. And then the next minute she is asking me to go over the details of the divorce
As for her trying to control me I try not to let that happen anymore. I have been saying n quite a bit now, but have come to accept the fact that she might divorce me either way. I am coming to terms with this and as I stated before there is nothing I can do to change her mind or feelings I can only show her what she is going to miss out on.
As for me not answering I usually am doing something like either working out or am out to eat with some friends and she even called when I was at the pool with my son, and my time with him is far more valuable than an argument or whatever may happen. So I am trying to do stuff it is just not as easy to go out with friends during the week cause they have "normal" jobs and I am stuck at nights for the time being.
No she has not brought up the date that was supposed to happen.
She does have me very confused. It seems that when I am trying to be the "new and improved" version of me she responds very nicely as one would imagine. And then the next minute she is asking me to go over the details of the divorce
As for her trying to control me I try not to let that happen anymore. I have been saying n quite a bit now, but have come to accept the fact that she might divorce me either way. I am coming to terms with this and as I stated before there is nothing I can do to change her mind or feelings I can only show her what she is going to miss out on.
Yes I think the best thing is for you to not answer the phone when you need to, and if she says anything just say, oh sorry I was [whereever in a general way] without explaining too much.
And if she gets angry and threatens divorce just stay calm and say, look if you want to get divorced that's fine, but don't threaten me everytime you get upset. Why don't you explain to me what is going on that is getting you so upset right now?
Originally Posted By: jonzy
Tink did you go on a mini vacation?
I spent the weekend at my fiance's. He lives in the next state. I took last weekend off for myself because I was getting very annoyed with him and I realized it was coming from my fear of us moving up to our new level, plus I was spreading myself thin working five jobs. The weekend did us both good and I appreciated how much he missed me and the attention was great.
And she continued on about it and I said ok and she responded with a nasty thanks and hung up! I can see that it bothers her but just hope that it is not the wrong signal.