I found you here too! Jack is FAB! He's a successful DBer so is worth listening to aswell. He and Jeff saved me when I started posting here (or at least made me smile every time they posted).
Thanks Lisa, I had been up until tonight! Seriously, I wonder what happened to the man I married?! I am so grateful to have found this forum at this point in the general happenings. I really don't know what I would have done without the support of people on here or indeed the books. It has helped give me a strategy and a way of making sense of this huge mess - a huge thank you to Michelle Weiner-Davis too then :-)
It has really made me feel like I am not goign through it alone.
No, definitely not alone. This place is amazing and there are some great people here. Pop over to Jeff's if you get a minute- he's talking Mexican food!
Does anyone have any tips about how to answer people? I am starting to resent people that are only trying to show me kindness and I don't want to alienate people.
unless it is your mom/sister or best friend who knows all you've gone through I'd just tell thank them for their concern but that at this point things are on a holding pattern. Then immediately change of subject and ask them something about their lives
About replying to him, also tell him that you dont' know what to do either, let him do the leg/thinking work and have him sweat it out. It's also a great way to drag your heels and buy time. If it becomes more serious (he mentions putting the house on the market for sure, etc etc) tell him that you are not going to communicate by txt only about such important matters.
And trust me on this, just so you'll have all your bases covers, talk to a L, you dont' need to retain one, but it will be so much better for you just to know what could happen in the event of a permanent S. Just go for a consultation and check what are your rights and what benefits you most. That way, if the time comes when you guys have to seriously talk about financial matters you'll know where you stand.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for your post. Unfortunately it is my mum, my sister and my best friend who all want me to just give up... I kind of feel all alone really but another friend came round tonight and gave me a huge amount of support and said that she'll support me whatever I do which was really lovely. I do feel sad though that I can't ring my mum about things and have to pretend everything is fine on the phone - that's what she wants to hear and can't take hearing anything else. When I phoned my best friend last night about the text she just didn't say helpful things and I find it really hard when people say bad things about my husband as he is still my husband! Maybe on the plus side though I am bonding with new friends...
I am going to book an appointment with a solicitor though just to find out my position, that is a really good suggestion thank you.
Does anyone have any tips about how to answer people? I am starting to resent people that are only trying to show me kindness and I don't want to alienate people.
Julia,
I just had a talk with mom where I basically told her that I appreciated her concern for my happiness, but that I intend to work on my M and I know it may be a long road, and I know it might cause me a lot of pain, and I know it may not all work out, but that this is the path I am choosing and at the end of the day I know regardless of the outcome, that I left no stone unturned and gave it my all to make my M work.
There really wasn't anything she could say to it. Remember your friends and family want you to feel what they perceive as better as quick as possible. They don't liek to see you in any pain.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
That is a really good way of phrasing it, I think I will use that :-) my mum is a lost cause really as it just causes too much hassle but to my sister and best friend I think I will say just that.
I think Cat's advice for other people is really good, a quick change of subject should put them off. Diversion tactics!
