Its going to be fine when you see him - much easier than you are anticipating I PROMISE! This is a great opportunity for you to be someone who is spontaneous and who is confident in going with the flow!
I'm at work and so dont have too long... so I might have this a bit muddled. He wrote that he would like to see you for lunch and gave you a certain date range? Have you replied yet? Could you reply by saying that you would love to meet up but your schedule is a bit crazy and that you will call him in a few days time when you know a bit more about your schedule. And then you can just pick up the phone and explain what times are going to suit you and then work out what works best for you both? It seems like something that old friends who are catching up might do, instead of emailing back and forward about possible times?!?
Dry Heats advice about being vague about being single is good. I'd say something like "Yeah I'm single and enjoying this time, I'm meeting heaps of new people". But totally up to you!
Yes to warm and happy and enthusiastic. I read something about how you need to make a man chase is you like you'd get a puppy to chase you. First step is to get their full attention (by being happy and warm and friendly) second step is to run away smiling over your shoulder encouraging them to chase you!
That sentence about the puppy chasing is a bit crazy gramtically, but I cant edit it!
More advice.....
You need to be prepared that when you see him you are going to go on a rollercoaster of emotions. All the emotions you have felt for the last 6 months + will hit you in a few seconds. But you probably wont have time to acknowledge them or deal with them when you are with BF - expect to be low and emotional afterwards. When you are with BF stick to your game plan of being fun and happy and no R talks. You dont have to feel numb and you definitely dont want to appear cool. But you wont be able to process the emotions - just expect that you are going to feel love, hate, anger, sadness, happiness all in a few minutes and that is totally normal. If you find yourself getting emotional just excuse yourself and go to to the bathroom and pull yourself together.
And remember he is going to be so worried about himself and just as nervous as you!
Thank you SOOOOO much!!!! Your advice is WONDERFUL!!!!
I did email him back pretty soon after he told me "lunch or something" between June 8th and 14th. I told him I would know more about my schedule yesterday or today (now it is 11 pm today and I haven't written him back yet) and asked him in the email if any days would be better or worse for him. I haven't heard back from him yet but he didn't really have to answer that question b/c I didn't know my availability yet.
I haven't gotten back to him yet b/c haven't really worked out what would be a good time. Dinner on next Sunday or Monday is possible but maybe too date-y and not as open ended, I wouldn't be able to get into NYC until 7.40 (like, get to the train station, not to a restaurant) or even 8.40, and I'd probably have to hustle back so I wouldn't miss the last train back to new jersey, esp b/c I wouldn't be spending the night over in NYC. So I'm still not sure what to do....??????
thank you SO much for taking time out of your work time to post to me TWICE!
The advice about puppies chasing you is AMAZING, that is SOOOOO true!!!! I can't wait to try it!
My roommate here at the festival who is a good friend of mine told me that I could go see him right now and I would be ready b/c I don't need to do anything special to make myself ready. It was really nice to hear that from her. I am in a good place now and I think people can see that.
(((((((ESSIE)))))) the most ginormous trans-pacific-ocean hug ever!!!!!
LOVE, TRANSFORMER
PS I might have to print out your email and take it with me
Call him and discuss options for meeting up - tell him your concerns. Give him the opportunity to re-arrange his schedule to fit into yours! If you are worried about something like having to stay the night in NYC tell him - he might be able to come up with a solution! Just give him some possible times that it might work for you, and leave the rest up to him.
So much easier to call him than try and work this out via email.
But let him know that this is casual and you wont be devastated if for some reason you cant meet up - you can be disappointed and let him know that you wish it was possible - I'm sure he will go out of his way to make sure he can see you!
I agree with Essie. Giv him a ring and say that you have your schedule (or you could do it casually by e-mail). Give him a few options for what works for you and see what he goes for. So "XXXday and XXXday evening, or XXXday and XXXday during the day. Let me know what works for you!"
And leave it to him to find something that fits in with your schedule, or to suggest an alternative. Don't worry about dinner being a bit too formal or anything like that. I think it's important to let him lead, which will be a bit uncomfortable for you, but a good 180, right?
On the 'single' front, I'd agree with Jeff. Vague is good. How did you leave that conversation in the end? Did you say anything?
And finally, don't worry too much about the interaction being perfect. You don't have to be perfect for your DBing to start working on B. You just have to be you, and to stay away from OR talks or anything that suggests sad/depressed etc!
Just as the ladies before me said and your friend before them, you are prepared to see him. You don't have to worry about anything. Be yourself and try to have fun (after the initial shock subsides). Have fun!!!
Regarding schedules, I would take the advice already given to you. Just call him up, be chatty, open and cool and let him know time restrictions etc. I agree, he will try to make sure you guys see each other. Love K
Thank you guys so much for all your advice and support!!!!!
Ok guys, what about something like this?
Dear B,
Ok! I have more info about my schedule now. Lunch sounds nice, but b/c of the rehearsal schedule so except for my day off I would only be able to get into penn station [in NYC] for about 41 minutes around lunch. Here are some of the times that would work for me: Saturday the 7th is my day off, so I could meet any time. Sunday the 8th or 9th dinner or something could work.
Let me know what you think! I hope you are having a great week!
take care, TRANSFORMER
Even though he said he was free starting on the 8th, I thought I should at least say I am free on the 7th in case he is actually free on the 7th...
OD, When my friend at the festival started the whole, "so I hear you are single?" conversation it went something like this:
Friend: So I hear you are single now? T: Yeah, this year was really crazy ... F: So, when did all that start? T: Hm, well, it actually started around lyricafest last year, and then I thought everything was totally fixed and better than ever before, and then it started again [the bombs] around october or something F: Wow, that must have been hard with being long distance and everything, all of that happening over the phone T: Yeah, the phone, and the webcam [smiling]
Other things I said were: I didn't think this before, but now I really think that there are certain kinds of growing that you can only experience when you're alone, and prob nothing else would have motivated me so much to get my S*$# together, and that I have been working really hard on myself. And then I told him that I felt uncomfortable talking about it in front of all the other people who were there (we were at dinner and there were some of B's friends/acquaintances w/in earshot but I couldn't tell if they were listening or not) but if he wanted we could talk about it more later. I think part of the reason he brought it up was because he also broke up with his partner (he is gay) I think actually like the same week I got bombed and wanted to commiserate maybe or just bond.
I think it was good b/c: - I didn't launch into the Saga of The Bombs (" and then he did blah blah blah...") - I didn't say who initiated the breakup - I didn't say anything about whether or not I wanted to get back with B - I provided no details of why, how, or how I felt
THAT is a total 180 for me from bomb time!!!!
OK please advise about the email!!!!!
((((((((HUGS TO EVERYONE)))))))))) LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRANSFORMER
I like the email T.. Especially if you've fixed the grammatical error!
I'm so pleased that you are having constant communication with your BF. It's amazing isn't it how the two of you went months without contact and now it's been pretty much weekly.
And a big congratulations on the progress you've made with your relationships with Mom and Bro. Absolutely fantastic. I'm really going to try DBing my family.. or even MIL. It's gotta help!
