hi, In my case it was not safe for me to share emotions with him by the point I left (he had anger issues & was a verbal abuser). As sandi & smartcookie point out, we (the WAS) have been through the range of emotions that being rejected and not having our needs met over the years brings.
Some (I repeat some) of our grieving over the ending of a relationship has already occurred by the time we actually leave. Mine was severe enough that I lost 30 lbs in 3 months. He took that as a sign I was having an affair, that I was lying when I denied it, and the verbal abuse became even worse.
It's not that I didn't feel terrible pain over hurting my family or shame over not being able to keep a marriage together, but I got really really good at hiding what I was really feeling behind lots of walls of thick bricks.
As I have found out though.. the walls I kept up so he could not see what I was feeling, also kept out some of what he wanted me to feel, both good & bad. A catch-22.
It may be different for those leaving for what they perceive as greener pastures with another person. I had no plan other than to get out of what had become an intolerable situation for me and my kids.
But yes... I felt things, awful things, both in the marriage and leaving it.
I wish you peace
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
