I am new here, just found this site the other day... sadly, a bit to late, I'm afraid.
I am the walk away spouse. I did so out of fear, anger, hurt. My husband said some really mean, hurtful, spiteful things to me. My husband has time in and time out always said to me "It's [my] fault." "[I'm] to blame." After this last conflict, on Mother's Dad, I had enough and left. I removed myself from his problem. But I am miserable. It's more because I feel so rejected, and I don't understand it. I wish I could get him to go to counseling, but he just lashes out at me that "[I] need counseling."
He never talks, he just criticizes me, complains or yells at me about things, or gives some snippy condescending attitude. Never takes my feelings into consideration. It's his response to other stresses that have prevailed over the years, that I understand. But somehow, I became his enemy. He's very arrogant.
I've left the house three weeks ago. He changed the locks on the house, so I can't get my things. He has not attempted to call me, nor I him. I've had quite a considerable time to think, and I don't know if it's too late, I believe it is. He's so angry, bitter and resentful. And the sad part, is that I know I'm not the root cause of it all.
Prior to me, he went through a devastating divorce. His ex took everything from him, everything. So, I understand why he changed the locks, but I want nothing of his things, just my clothes and my family heirlooms. I'm not his ex. He can keep everything else. I do not want money either.
He had a child dropped in his lap from a previous relationship prior to me too. A child he did not know about. That was an overwhelming event for both of us. But I didn't run, I stayed and supported him. He's a good father.
His ex was vicious through the years with vindictive personal vendettas and child custody 'war' for the past 6yrs. Every opportunity she got to 'see him in court', she did... it was so petty. I was witness to the chaos. I supported him, was there for him. I took care of his son. At first, he was very appreciative of me. Made time for me. But that weened.
Then the mother to his daughter became elusive, evasive and defiant. She wouldn't let him visit his daughter without her being attached to her hip. Gave excuse after excuse. She had a sever case of separation anxiety. She lost her job (after 7yrs), got pregnant with (at the time) ex-con drug addict boyfriend, and filed for welfare. The state went after my husband, which we were compliant with. (At first, she didn't want to go through the whole custody thing and my husband was so burnt out from his ex wife's battles, that he complied with his daughter's mother. For a long while, she was cooperative, then all of a sudden, she changed- the ex con boyfriend, got pregnant twice back to back, etc.) So, this last two years have been extremely stressful. The Mother of the daughter became intimidated by the whole court proceedings and is now very cooperative with my husband.
Two years ago, the ex wife got her head examined. Had some major counseling. The last two years, she's been so friendly, and cooperative. Since there has been no more conflict with these two woman, my husband bickers and picks on me now. Somehow, I am the enemy. He is so used to having conflict. I don't understand how I became such an enemy. I am not a high priority to my husband.
