need some insight

[TwinDad]

Sounds a lot like a number of years in my M. My W had a very demanding and succesful job and for a number of years we were kind of on "autopilot".

My H looks and seems like he is doing wonderfully well but I wonder if its an act

I know what you mean....my W and I would get a long just fine, we were sleeping in the same bed and yet she could sit there and tell family and friends that we were separating in the same demeanor as if she was asking how the weather was. I had the hardest time wrapping my head around that one and still don't get it aside from writing it off as a defensive wall....these walls eventually have to come down and that is when they miss you....though it might not all come out at once.

I do want to save the marriage but I don't want to be with who he is today. I fell in love with a carefree man and I don't even know the cold, heartless person he has become.

Nor should you, but by making the changes in your life, you can inspire changes in your H that can bring him back (or better) than the person he once was (at least that is what I keep on telling myself)