I think some of it depends on what you were like in your marital relationship BEFORE the affair. Does being strong, leading, even confrontational -- does this represent a "180" from your normal style? If so, I think it has a higher success rate.
If, by contrast, you were previously very controlling, robotic, etc., then a more loving approach would actually represent a "180" and perhaps get the wayward spouse's attention.
I focus my advice on what worked for me, and what -- to me -- just makes good common sense. I especially think that men find some of the more passive approaches emasculating, and suffer as a result of being TOO patient.
Yes, I think everyone is different. And each of us have had to ask ourselves "How long can I give this?" I'm the type that was more willing to give it a balls-to-the-wall approach, for a shorter duration, even if that meant there was greater fallout (which there was).
Then again, I'll sometimes take four right-hand turns at a red light, just to avoid sittin' there.
