We are on a downward spiral

[Bagheera]

Greetings, Near;

My thought is that you should continue to detach from her and put your focus on YOURSELF. Come up with a Get-A-Life plan (wee this article for a start, plus the other GAL threads on this board), and put some initial goals into action. Start viewing yourself in a positive light -- you are worthy and deserve it, my friend.

If you are planning on staying in the same room with your W, then don't let her play any you-can-look-but-you-can't-touch games with you: simply turn your back on her or walk away. She needs to see you as a strong man again, and NOT one that she can toy with or intimidate. Most importantly in dealing with her, keep a easy-going attitude, be cheerful if you can, and don't be grumpy, irritable, or angry. Don't act hurt and withdrawn. Stay detached and cool if she starts to get contemptuous or derogatory again (easier said than done, of course). Maintain your areas of responsibility and continue to do things for her and the kids, but don't let her demand it of you, or treat you like the door-mat. You're doing these things because you take your responsibilities seriously and love your family, period. Do these things because YOU value them and YOU derive pleasure from it, no one else.

You've got to see yourself for the good, strong man that you are. Only then will your wife come to see you in that same light.

Take care, and best wishes,

Bagheera