You are right. It is not God who "does" things like this to us, but rather our own free will. His heart is as broken (even more??) than yours is that your wife is rejecting His love and His forgiveness that He's willing to give to her anytime she asks for it sincerely.
No, God doesn't MAKE bad things happen to us, but He CAN make "all things work together for the good, for those that love Him and that are the called according to His purpose." (sorry, forget my chapter and verse -- it's Romans something, I believe).
You will grow thru this, I promise you, Jeff. And your kids will be okay. Just DO THE RIGHT THING, in every situation, even when it's scary or painful.
You were not called to please YOUR WIFE (you were only called to love her unconditionally). You are commanded to please GOD, and to do the right thing, in every situation.
Just keep doing that, and you'll be fine. It'll HURT LIKE HELL, but you'll be fine.
