Guys, I can only tell you what worked for me. My wife is home, faithful, we're best friends again (and more affectionate than before) and her affair ended very quickly. Then again, it also took $6k in legal retainers and filing for divorce to get thru to her, so your actual mileage may vary.
Who is detachment for? It's for YOUR sanity, and it simultaneously should make you more attractive to your wayward wife.
This is the distinction I made with my wife:
I told her that if she chose to end our marriage this way -- by cutting and running, refusing to end her affair, then I could NEVER be her best friend anymore.
HOWEVER, if she chose to end her affair, end all contact, come back and work on our marriage together for a period of time (say, one year), and if at the end of that time she felt like she no longer loved me, and we agreed to part amicably -- then we would certainly be friends, and possibly even still best friends.
A big part of the fantasy of the fogged out, wayward mind, is for their illlicit relationship to be "normalized" with their friends and family. I wasn't going to indulge the fantasy, nor play the game.
