Hi guys. Things not going too well. H and I interacted over the weekend and Monday and it was ok but I am starting to struggle with some bad feelings toward him. I keep trying to keep in mind his MLC and it's effect on his behavior but I really got bummed when H started talking about a vacation he wanted to take (all while our house goes into foreclosure). He is constantly spending money while I'm living with my Mom to try and get back on my feet. I can deal with that but the big prob. over the wknd. was when I had to tell H that I had taken his flight benefits away. (I'm a flight attendant and he got to fly for free). I hadn't done it for revenge or anything; it's just that I figured we were apart and I felt a little devalued as if he wanted my benefits but not me. Anyway, I never thought he'd need them but he brings up this vacation idea (that didn't include me) and I had to break the news to him. I can't give them back for over a year b/c I gave them to someone else; but I guess the part that bugged me was that H kind of had an entitlement thing going on with the benefits. It was as if I was supposed to (and he asked me why I didn't) CHECK with him first! I feel so de-valued. I just don't know what to do here. I was really good about interacting with him on a friendship level during my stay. (He let me sleep in the bed and he slept on the couch); but I'm just getting really frustrated. I want to WANT him, but things like this make it tough. I hadn't expected to have to even deal with this so I wasn't prepared when the subject came up. What now? H and I said nice goodbye's before I left and I texted him to say I was "home safe". Now I just have to sit here with my negative feelings. He kind of laid a guilt trip on me too; saying "My Mom and I were planning on celebrating my grandfathers 80th b/day in Germany, now I can't go..." Stuff like that (his extended fam. lives in Europe). It sucks to feel like "gee, I'm good for flight benefits but that's it!". Know what I mean? How do I handle this?
