The Alien came home last night. Depressed, sad and crying. Said that he wanted to be left alone, so I took my book and laptop and went upstairs to the bedroom. He came up in less than an hour. Lay face down on the bed and began to cry in earnest. He did not have a shirt on, so I continued to read but reached over and gently began to rub his shoulders. He seemed to relax a little, and then from downstairs his cell phone began to ring. Since all of this strange behavior started, he usually has it on vibrate, or turns if off completely as soon as he comes home. (red flag)
Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I should probably tell you that back in March I listened to a message left on his cell phone and it turned out to be the wife of one of our “couple friends”. Her family has a summer home in the “big partying” golf community that H frequents, but she grew up and resides in our town. Turns out that she was having difficulty with her marriage, and since her H was a friend of my H, she turned to him to talk. The message that I found was not appropriate, and I had a major meltdown. Believe it or not, this woman is a nurse (student), and had the audacity to tell me that she was sorry that she “went kinda crazy” but she was “helping” him understand the medical details of my illness! Um hmmm, I think she was “helping” him feel needed and young again, without the responsibility of a critically ill wife. Her H and mine had been friends for 20+ years and used to work together. My H never even LIKED this woman because she talks non-stop and is kind of an idiot. The type that can clear a table if she enters the pub and sits down.
As a result, the men are no longer friends, she and her H are in MC and both say the communication has stopped. I truly believe that, and friends that know us say that it was a cry for help on her part… but maybe I am fooling myself. I wondered if it might have been an EA, but do not think a PA. Combined with his other strange behaviors, it made me begin to suspect MLC. I know that it is not the cause of our problems, but a symptom. I wonder if the fight yesterday about the weekend golf outing brought back feelings for him?
He managed to work himself into quite a state. I tried to sleep on the couch, but he came down and woke me up at 3am and again at 5:30. It continued, and got worse. He went out to get into the hot tub, and found that someone had been in it since we used it yesterday morning! He couldn’t get in it because the straps were fastened and he by mistake thought it was locked. We don’t fasten the straps and only lock it when we leave town. So strange! He said, I suppose you are thinking that S. (ow?) was in it yesterday? I could tell from the water on the deck it had probably been used in the middle of the night. We have a couple of guy friends that would think that was funny – feeling “good” on their way home from the pub. His ranting got worse as we were getting ready for work. Verbal abuse, cursing, name calling etc. I brought out all of my DB skills, and did not engage. In fact, it felt as if I were stepping outside of myself and watching what was happening. He was actually writhing inside from pain. I felt calm. Thank God I have you guys.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
