i am not sure if this is where i belong but i believe it is. i explain and let you all decide. first if anyone could tell me how to post links to my sitch that would be great.
about 4 months ago got the bomb. not happy, ilybnilwy, not attracted, etc. she sugg counseling. we have gone ever since. slow progress. still lived together but she had made it clear she wanted to run. a lot of issues with her as far as self confidence is concerned. we both had gotten lazy, i especially, and she had just shut down. she just told me about 2 weeks ago that she didnt like me for a long time,
well, friday we went to mc and w said she was ready to recommit to marriage. naturally i was ecstatic. i didnt show it but i was. we have been talking in great links for about 3 weeks. she used to cringe at r talk. now she almost invites it.
also, about 3 weeks ago i found out she had been chatting with a male friend on line. ea probably. i confronted her, she confessed was very remorseful etc. i told her, no more, it must end. she agreed. so, since then she has been a different person. she is actually making an effort. before she wasvjust going thru motions. she said said the guilt from the ea was what was keeping her closed off.
so, she is back and said that we are going to work thru this. that it is going to take time. its like we are starting over. much talking. we are friends again.
i thought all of my fears and insecurities would go away when she said she recommitted. they havent yet. i realize i'm a newby but i sure hope it gets easier. w and i both are a little nervous around each other when alone. very scary for me. never know whats next. i would appreciate any and all advice i can get on how to proceed. i got lots of good advice from many in newcomers.
m-42 w-37 m-17yr s-5 bomb-1-25-2008 w recommit-5-16-2008
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Great news and good to see you here. I was rooting for you. The fears and insecurities you're both feeling are pretty common. Sometimes as you conquer some, new ones will come up. None of us want to end up where we were when we sought out this support site.
Have you read any of the Tools or Tips threads at the top of the forum? A little nervousness is probably a good thing... keeps you both on your toes so you don't get "lazy" again.
If she's now into R talk, it'd be great to get the His Needs Her Needs book or one of those types (I hear passionate marriage is really good too and I'm going to get it asap) so you can talk about making each other happy together.
I'd advise that if self confidence is an issue with her, make sure she follows through with working that out inside herself so she doesn't rely on others to make her feel beautiful and valued.
Help other people in Newcomers. You don't want to spend too much time on the boards because they trigger a lot of stuff, but helping people or simply letting them know someone is listening or cares can help keep you in the *DB state of mind* too.
just updating my sitch a little. kind of staying off here as deauxlie suggests as it does stir sh!t up in my head. but anyway wife is back and how. its been awesome so far. went to a graduation and she was holding my hand, just giving those little touches that mean so much. you know the ones that you take for granted til they are gone. i really enjoy them now. we had went out to eat with graduating family, and while we were outside having a smoke she looked at me and said" you do look good". then she leaned in and gave me a nice kiss. felt like high schoolers. she has been lingering longer with her kisses which is a huge change from 4 months ago. a tight lip peck was it. now i am the one pulling away first. sure there are times especially when we have nothing to do that it kind of gets uncomfy a bit. but those times are becoming scarcer as we feel our way around and get back into our m. she dropped by work yesterday just to chat. she called me today just to chat. all is good for now. i hope some are reading my post. if for inspiration only. it can happen. some slower than others, but it can happen. feel like we are falling in love again. way too early to tell but i hope thats where we are headed. she has become very considerate of my feelings and i hers. we both are much better, more attentive listeners. right now we are back to being each others best friend. i pray everyday that it lasts. with both of our hard work, it should only get better.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
I am just reading your sitch and I am so jealous....I wish I am where you are now.... Congratulations and hang in there, it looks like you are home free!!
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
thanks for the kind words. i'm rooting for you all too. i will catch up on all sitchs and post if i can help. hang in there you all. time is on your side.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
all going good. shes introducing me as her HONEY now. kind of cool. i have a question for you though. our 17th anniversary is sunday. we are going to a casino hotel for the night. i am kind of torn as to what to write in card. i definitely dont want to be too syrupy because she did hurt me real bad, but i also want to convey my feelings for her. any ideas as to what to write? thanks for checking on me dbd
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
