I must start spending some time here every day. It's amazing how much more centred I feel connecting with people who are going through the same thing and it really helps me stick with DBing behaviours.
Feeling incredibly stuck, though. My H is continuing his EA, as far as I know. I am not doing any more snooping, even though it's very hard. It's just going to hurt me and won't really change anything.
Every few minutes I make a new decision - I'm going to hang in; I'm going to tell him to leave. Up and down the roller coaster, over and over, all day long. I'm actually doing pretty well with controlling obsessive thinking and while I have been crying quite a bit the last few days, it's starting to slow down, I think. I still feel awful almost all the time though.
My H hasn't made any attempt to comfort me or offer any reassurance, even though I'm pretty sure he knew on a couple of occasions that I was crying. He's feeling too conflicted right now, I guess - his roller coaster is probably much like mine. Should I talk to him about it? Just act like nothing is happening?
We are polite, getting along fairly well, but physical contact has pretty much stopped. I CAN'T get close to him knowing where his sexual energy is coming from, even though that's what been happening for the past few months, but the lack of touch is increasing the distance between us and is starting to feel like a mistake. I have no idea what to do.
I've also had moments when I feel serene and above it all, and I don't really care what happens. Lovely, but it sure doesn't last.
Well, back to the frenzy. Any words of wisdom? I'd love to hear them.
