I know it feels painful and awful, but one thing I've learned... you don't want them back until they are completely ready to come back. In other words you want them certain they want to be with you. Also, I think if your own metamorphis isn't complete, or you haven't had a good amount of transformation and healing, you are not ready. You won't be ready to have him come back (or to be in any healthy relationship for that matter). Sometimes these painful situations are filled with growth and learning. I think my months in D were some of the very worst months of my life, but I also came out of it a different person. I learned a lot of positive things about myself. I became a stronger person, and loved myself much more.
Another thing I learned... the most generous, and purest love you can give is unselfish, and unconditional. It's wanting someone to find their happiness, even if it means you aren't it. Very very very painful.... but I personally found a lot of healing in that. I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too off-the-wall. I know for me it allowed me to move on and let go of anger or bitterness.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
