Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

It's been a week since I've posted. It's been a rollercoaster of a week.
First I thought I had a chance for that house again as the deal almost fell through, but it was firmed up over the weekend so it's officially gone.
My house isn't getting bites at all, even after 2 open houses. It's priced too high. The problem now is that if we drop it too much further, we risk losing money. So now I need to a conversation with H about what to do. Neither of us can afford to lose money and I refuse to buy him out for some piddly difference so I can carry a higher mortgage! No F'ing way.
So we'll see what he has to say when we discuss it tomorrow.

I had an ok weekend with the kids gone. I feel awful the whole time they're gone. I can handle the time on my home, but knowing they're in that house with 'her' is sickening to me. I hate it.

H has been up and down. Nice one day and not the next. He look really skinny when I saw him on Sunday, his cheeks are actually looking sunken in.

H e-mailed my best friends today saying that "he knows they're not happy with him right now but he wants to talk to them. He said he loves them misses them and wants to fix the disconnect between them". My best friend dying to unload on him, so I guess we'll see what happens.
Ever since I heard about this note today, I've been down. I even cried about and I don't do that often any more.
I was hurtful to think that he 'loves and misses them' and 'wants to fix the disconnect'...but I never meant enough for this? How is that is other relationships deserve attention, caring and work and ours didn't? What sense does that make.
Perhaps this is the 'reconnecting' that they talk about in the MLC stages. The slowly make there way back by reconnecting with the people in the reverse order of how he let them go. The spouse being the last. Wishful thinking...

No matter how ok I am with moving on and no matter how much of a better life I now envision for myself...I don't think I'll ever stop looking for H's epiphany. I keep expecting him to wake up and break down. It seems inevitable to me and to everyone else.

It will be interesting to see what our friends have to say to him.

Other than that things are crazy busy. I had the kids for 7 days straight on my own (hence the not posting). D was an angel by the end of it. The last 3 days she slept in her own bed. I think she really enjoyed being in the same bed for that many nights in a row. Poor thing. Then after 2 nights at H's she's back to sleeping in my bed again. I told H about this and like everything else he just brushed it off. A$$#@LE.
How can you downplay what is happening to your 3 year old daughter?? I don't get it.

I guess that's it for now....
J~