Real live is....part 4!

[Starshyne]

Alright...for those of you keeping score, here is the outline of my sitch.

On Christmas Eve I started suppecting H had OW. On Jan 2, he told me that he did that he valued their friendship "as much as our marriage." The months of January-February were him spending part time with her and part time with me. I had it, told him so and he came back to me. Lived with me and didn't see OW all of March and most of April. Mid-April he is back with OW.

Here is where things got crazy. H was spending almost all night with OW and coming in whenever he felt like it. The day he came home at 5am to do his laundry was the last straw. I locked him out of the house. For a week and a half he was gone and I was starting to feel better. He said that he got a run down apartment. Then suddenly he changes his mind and says he broke his contract with the apartment and wants to stop it with the OW and be with me. Then the next day OW comes to my door to "kick H's a&&" but when H came driving in suddenly his love for her was declared.

H refuses to leave our home (yes his name is on the title). The police are called, he refuses to leave. Sees nothing wrong with being with girlfriend and then sleeping at marriage home. So as it stands now, H goes to work, goes to school, goes to OW's and at 11pm (or whenever) comes to our home to sleep and shower. I make sure that I am out of the house (sleeping at parents) by 11pm each night because I refuse to stay under the same roof as H while he is opening having an affair.

I have talked to a lawyer. I am working on a settlement so that H gets his half of the house and we will be divorced.

I think that covers everything up until today....

[Starshyne]

Since school is out and I am not working, I came home to find H (wearing another one of my tshirts) reading. He refuses to talk to me at all and won't even move out of my way. I try to talk to him (about some "business type things...nothing about the R or anything super serious...just money and things) and he won't answer. What a child!

I met with the pastor today. He was so understand and supportive. God bless that man. He told me that he rarely advises divorce, but he thinks in my situation it will be the only way my H will come to his senses. He told me that he can see that I have tried all I could to make this marriage work and that this is the last resort for me. He told me that I had courage. He reminded me that Jesus even said that divorce due to marital unfaithfulness was permissiable and that the he and the members of the church will not look down upon me for this decision (that was a concern of mine). He prayed with me told me that the church will help me in any way that they can. I am so glad that I talked to him because hearing this all has helped.

Oh...he also said something that many of you told me. That once the D is final, I should expect my H to come back. He said that he will be missing everything he had with me....the house, the car, the stability. And to be careful. He said that if I believe that my H has really repented, to move slowly back into dating and see what happens from there.

So...I am moving ahead with the lawyer. Once I get the money situation taken care of, I am going into the office to get the papers started.

Sara

[lost_in_space]

Since school is out and I am not working, I came home to find H (wearing another one of my tshirts) reading. He refuses to talk to me at all and won't even move out of my way. I try to talk to him (about some "business type things...nothing about the R or anything super serious...just money and things) and he won't answer. What a child!

What is with them? On Sat, my WW actually put her fingers in her ears as I was trying to talk to her because she didn't want to talk. even kids have better sense than that.

Stay strong.

[Sara]

Sounds like he wants to irritate you. Odd behavior, and as you say, very childish.

[hopeful4her]

Since school is out and I am not working, I came home to find H (wearing another one of my tshirts) reading.

Sara, next time get undressed, throw your bra and panties at him and ask him if he wants to wear those, too. Then just walk out.

Ok, don't get undressed, but throw some at him anyway.

Ok, don't do that at all.

Him wearing your shirts just cracks me up!

[hopeful4her]

Just trying to make a funny, Sara.

Hope your not offended.

[No Longer BH]

After everything you have been through and him not trying at all, I can see why you are ready to move on. You have worked VERY hard at this and your H is being down right cruel by continuing to stay in the house. Your right, you need to do something different to get the peace to heal from his actions. I'm sorry it finally came to this for you. Be strong, and keep posting because we are here for you. <SARA>

[girlfromipanema]

Hi Sara,

I missed out on your horrible day yesterday, but just got caught up. What's to happen with the car that's in your name? Since your husband is acting so irresponsibly, is there anything you can do to protect yourself?

I'm soooo glad you spoke to your pastor. I hope you feel at peace with your decision.

Much love,
me

[LL44]

lol hopeful!!!

H did his share of ignoring me last summer. It hurts, and its ridiculous. So childish. Your H is hurt, confused, angry, etc. He is wanting to blame someone, goodness forbid he blame himself.

Stay strong Sara. I made my first mediation appt today. Very very tough, such a small window from filing to D.

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Sara))) Your H is just being childish and there is nothing you can do about it.

I'm glad that you spoke to your pastor and you can move forward with a clear conscience spiritually. I'm so sorry it has come to this, but you need to protect and take care of you from now on. H is a big boy and will just have to fend for himself. He has made his bed, as much as it hurts now he has to lay in it.

I believe the reality of the paperwork will scare him, but tread very lightly before jumping back in with him.

We are here for you no matter what. ((((SARA)))))