I've LEARNED to be more of a hardass. My natural style is very much one of a rescuer, codependent, and a classic "Nice Guy." (I could never be a good practical joker, for instance, because as soon as I see the person's face contorting in anguish, I give up the joke right away -- "KIDDING!").
Throughout my marriage, rather than deal with conflict, and specifically rather than be honest with my wife about her issues (and her with mine), I instead use softening statements, moral equivalencies, rescuing behaviors, etc., to take the edge off of moments that just MIGHT have been used for some sort of breakthrough.
It always FELT good (pressure relieved!), but it NEVER led to any real self-discovery or even much progress.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a killjoy -- I just calls 'em as I sees 'em.
