thank you sara. He has a lot to deal with right now, and hopefully things will continue on the current course.
SD, I think what probably helped is that he also took his time to process thru it all w/o talking to me. not sure what his initial reaction was when he first found the stuff. but yeah, its a pretty vulnerable place to be for me. at the same time, so far its been all good, at least that part. its opened the door for a lot of communication, and like I said above, its also allowed me to look back and see his responses to the stuff he read. that is what says a lot to me right now.
there are lots of ups and downs right now...just lots of stuff to work thru. but we are trying and I think that is a good thing...hope it is. wish I had that crystal ball though.
I was laughing at h, btw, a few times, saying I was surprised he didn't sign on at some point and post a rebutle. after all, as much as I think I try to post an even handed example of what is going on, its still all my viewpoint.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
The IC's both posted on here and I have seen others do it too - some on the MLC boards and more on the SSM boards.
On the other 'group' I belong to there are a few H and W posters and I have to say it seems to work really well. There have been some real ups and downs but other posters are even handed and don't tend to 'side' with the person they have already established a R with online whilst going through all the drama. It may be a good thing for him to post - it might really help.
He sounds ready to work at things and personally I think that is the single most important thing. Therapy never did me any good until I realised I really needed it to become healthy again and I had to be truthful with the therapist however much it hurt. I am sure you have been through the range of emotions so I don't really need to say this, but I found it SO hard to tell therapist things about myself and my feelings and my thought processes. I felt shame and pettiness etc.
You know how to contact me by other means if you want to- it's always lovely to hear from you.
I have found piecing as you know a real roller caster - even though my H has been 100% committed, (thank goodness).
I feel like your good times as a family are beginning - you always make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside and your love for your family shines through. Even the love for your H has shone through with all that has happened; if I were him I know it would make me love you more....not less...reading all your posts.
Sally, you truly ARE a wonderful person, (as are many on here I can think of are), but you are getting the future you deserve hopefully.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
just wanted to give a quick update. things are going well. we've had some ups and downs and its definitely an adjustment for both of us, but also a good thing. a really good thing (at least in my book!).
h asked for some names for IC last week and did his own calling based on the list I found, and seems eager to get started on it, which makes me happy because more than MC even I think it is important for us to deal with our individual issues. don't get me wrong, I still think MC is important. but I think we will both be healthier/have a healthier marriage if we deal with some underlying issues on our own as well.
I am very happy to say that we are doing so much better in our marriage than we did pre-affair. at least that is my take on it(h, since I have no doubt you will read this, feel free to tell me otherwise). one of our biggest problems was communication and I think our patterns with that have changed drastically. not perfect, but oh so much better. soooo much better.
He moved in this weekend and its getting less strange/more right having him around again. loving it, in fact. in many, many ways. oh so many ways. but I also still know that I will be okay no matter what, which makes it all the sweeter.
so that's it for now. we bought a new bedroom set yesterday, which I'm excited to get (we've never had one, have used hand-me-down bits and pieces since we were married). its funny, when the bomb first hit (or a month or so after), I went thru the whole organizing/re-arranging/decorating thing that so many of us seem to go thru. am going thru it again. guess that's about right...big changes beget big changes.
hope everyone is doing well.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
saffie, meant to tell you, yep, a roller coaster, but we're in a good phase right now...hope it keeps building, although I'm sure there are plenty more drops to come along the way back. will email you later, thanks for everything...your story has always given me hope.
nik, hope you are well, need to check out your thread.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I'm looking forward to the winter, when he shovels the driveway and the roof! But this part sounds good too. I'm a big believer in redecorating to make a fresh start. That made a huge difference for us too.
lol, yep, he'll be workin' this winter! but I'll shovel with him...but boy it will be nice not to be on my own. although I did wrangle that friend's husband into plowing most of last winter...woo-hooo!
its funny, sara, but after I found out about the affair there was an article I read somewhere or other that had to do with signs of infidelity. they weren't the normal ones you think of (working late, mysterious calls, etc), they were things like, "spouse stops caring about the house/taking care of the home stuff they used to." I thought that was interesting, because h has never been an enthusastic yard-work-guy, but he always got it done w/o complaint, and used to go nuts cleaning out the garage and such. and that did all stop right around when the affair started, probably before. it was really weird at the time.
the best was tonight, though. we were outside playing with the kids and he was talking about spending some time this weekend cleaning out the garage and the shed.
see, its the little things like that that make me smile.
and yay to redecorating!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know what you mean, Sally. Right after we had our Retro weekend, when I was still wondering if he was really on board for the duration, my BIL called to see how things were going. He asked what my H was doing right then. I said that he was planting a tree on the lanai. My BIL said, "He's staying."
It's so nice to see how things are progressing for you. I wish you and your H success. I'm really happy for your kids as well. They deserve both parents full time. I bet they are excited with their Father back.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
