For the Guy with Kids and a WW4

[hopeful4her]

Ever had that zit that was just about to pop?

THAR SHE BLOWS!!!

Saturday night, WW got home about 12:30. Kind of quiet. Not too much talking.

Sunday morning, get up and get coffee going. Girls get up and get WW up. She makes breakfast. I kind of take it easy. I usually make breakfast on weekends and WW sits back. So I sat back. I start to get ready. WW is still quiet. Not with the D's, just me.

Like I figured, WW is not planning on going to church with us. She says she is going to get things ready for us to go to Six Flags and clean up a little. The will meet us after church. Just earlier, she said she didn't what time we were going to go. I get ready, girls get ready and then D6 goes to ask why momma is not getting ready. WW tries to explain why. D6 looks very sad and looks right at me. WW looks at me. WW asks why she looks so sad. Again, D6 keeps looing at me.

I can see it coming.

WW sits down and asks D6 whats wrong. She is looking down and mumbles, "nothing". WW asks why she keeps looking at daddy. D6 looks at me and shrugs. Big, beautiful, brown, sad eyes. "Did daddy say something yesterday?", WW asks. I say, "What is the matter? Tell us. Tell momma. She thinks I'm filling your heads with things." WW quickly looks at me and says, "You don't have to say that in front of them." I say, "Then stop asking them stupid things like that."

We get ready to leave and I get D's in car. WW asks me what clothes she should take for me. I tell and go to car.

I mentioned somewhere earlier that I like to pop blackheads. I guess that goes for zits, too.

I tell D's to stay in car.

Ahl be bock. That was my Arnold voice.

WW is cleaning kids bathroom. I go to her and say, "Don't do that to her. I am not telling them anything. I don't know why you insist on trying to make me be a bad person. Are you trying to convince yourself to try to make it easier for you to leave?" WW tries to tell me about things she hears from the older boys. I have to explain to her that they sometimes hear what they want to hear. Then to reexplain what they thought they heard is different from that. We go back and forth.

She asks why D6 kept looking at me. I tell her I don't know.

She is not happy here, she says. "I want a divorce!" I say, You want a divorce so that you go f'ing someone else."

She says, "F you! Your just upset 'cause you're not getting it! I don't need a man. I got my toys!"

I tell her that I've gotten used to it. I try to get off the D subject. I tell her I know she has been trying to make plans. "If you leave, we'll lose the house. I won't be able to afford it." She looks surprised. "I don't know how you are going to afford a place on your own." I tell her. She tells me not to worry. She just wants to figure out if nephew and friend are going with her or getting thier own place or he will move in with his dad, who is moving back to San Antonio.

By this time, D's come back into house. I take them back out to car and tell them just a little longer. D11 looks upset. She know we are arguing. We are now at the door. I tell her that I don't want things to get ugly. She tells me that she doesn't think we can be friends. I tell her that she has hurt me. She says that we have hurt each other, but she tells me she has hurt me more. She tell me that I need to let her go. She wants it to be her and the girls. She doesn't need a man!

I say, "Then give up OM! You don't need me then you don't need him. Do it the right way. With no man." She says, "I am! I don't want any man, and I'm not going to have him around with the girls, anyway." I tell her that she just said two different things. She says she doesn't need him. She doesn't want anyone. She wants to help herself. She needs to fix herself, she is telling me. I tell her to get rid of him now. Don't wait any longer. Do it now.

I tell her, "and I have given you up. I am trying to keep our friendship. I'm not trying keep you as my wife right now. I am trying not to lose my best friend.

We have calmed down. I turn to leave. I poke my head back in. "Don't take away our friendship. You are my best friend. If anything, we have that. I'm not trying to do anything to you. I care about you too much." We are both crying at this point. We are looking at each other.

We discuss S14 and his leaving to live with his father this summer. She says its temporary. She says he just has to see what it is like and he'll probably be back. It won't be permanent. We are looking at each other and she quietly say, "Like me."

She quietly says that we are late for church. I tell her it is too late to go. I come back inside, tell her "come here", I put my arms around her and give her a hug. She puts her arms around my neck.

I whisper to her, "I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. We need to sit down and think of a plan."

I feel her nodding.

We are there for a few minutes. I let her go. I go get kids.

The rest of the day went with out a hitch. Like nothing was ever talked about. Spent the day at Six Flags for her work picnic. She introduced me to her coworkers. Water park. Floating, holding on to each others floats. Riding rides. Roller coasters. My 180's. Sitting together. Sharing food and drinks. Making fun of the way people dress. Laughing. Chatting.

Another GREAT family day. Together.

It feels like the pressure is off of her. I know that she has not done anything solid by way of an apartment. So far, just talking and looking. And wishing.

I will keep on doing what I was doing before. Trying to keep our friendship. That is what is going to help us make it, I feel. We are best friends. Life partners. She can't get rid of me.

I left early this morning. Gave her a hug goodbye. I surprised her. Hell, I should have kissed her too. She goes in later than usual. I have already talked to her a couple times this morning. She asked me to call and wake her up because she wanted another half hour of sleep. Says her head is ringing. We talked a little.

She is two different people living inside of one body.

I am trying to extracate the bad one. It seem like I do good job of bringing out the bad one, now if I can just get rid of the bad one.