I think she wants to be friends

[SirPrizeMe]

Sleeper, I think your W is acting a little nutty, yes.
On the other hand - don't take this the wrong way - I think you are very much still enmeshed with her.

It seems like everything is still about her. I see you still love her, I understand the feeling, I understand what you are going through. But my opinion - you've got to let her go. That means, don't be on the other end of the phone as soon as she calls. If you are speaking to her every day, that is probably too much. Be pleasant when you are around her, but YOU control the frequency and duration of those visits. If you are divorced, then the answer to "would you like to come on vacation with me?" is a polite, "No, Thank you."

It is not fair to you, or to the OM, if you go along. It's ok to fondly remember, out loud, with her, the good times you had. Could you have said it this way? "Ahh, yes, I remember the lovely times we had there. The old days! (pause) But we move on... We're in a different time now. I'm sure you'll have a great time."

Some say I've denied her the experience of being divorced.

Count me in.

As for the financial thing - I don't have an opinion on that, because you haven't been very specific. But here again, this sounds like HER THING, not yours. Ok, it will hurt the children, and that seems to suggest that you should get involved. On the other hand, if that means "it will hurt the children because it will hurt her financially", then it's not your thing. Step off. It's her life.

When she asks for help how do I answer?

The basic answer is your #1 candidate, "Not my problem." But of course, in the nicest, most empathetic way possible. I think if you had more of an independent life, this would be easier for you. Would it help if you thought of this as a growing opportunity for HER? You're doing her a favor by letting her solve her own problems. Really. And the only way you'll have a healthy relationship with her in the future is if she grows, and you grow, both of you - stronger. This is something she needs to go through, and your job is to not interfere with it. Advice, yes, on a limited basis. Empathy, yes. Take care of it for her? No.

I feel like you standing for your marriage is a good thing. But the way you are doing it is maybe not the best way. It feels to me like you need more distance, less availability, more mystery about you. And, that date - why not go and enjoy the attention of a younger woman?

It may take time. Your counselor suggested she might remarry you. He (she) probably did not mean "the same month as your divorce takes effect". Come on, it's been 3 weeks since it was final. Give it time. Let her go for a while. Can you continue being nice, but just not as available?

Patience, Patience, Patience.

I am no expert. This is just what I think. Here's a thought - maybe invest some $$ into a few phone conversations with Jody or Dottie or one of the DB counselors. I'll bet they would have some good insight for you.

Then, WRITE IT DOWN, and post it on your bathroom mirror. And every morning, read it and stick to that plan. No matter how many times she calls, no matter what she says, or what new wrinkle develops. Just stick to your plan, be constant, be steady, be pleasant, and give her distance and freedom.

You're a good man, and you love a good woman. I respect what you want to do. Give it time.