Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

H is planning to be with me for the delivery. As of now, it looks like it's going to be a C-section - she's breech. I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME. I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me. I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me. Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me. That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought. I'm really trying not to let this get to me. But, I just feel soooo let down by this whole thing. I feel let down by my H. I feel that I am letting myself down by holding on. I just feel really blue today and pretty pessimistic. I don't see anyway that H will ever change. And, it does piss me off that he has everything that he wants. He gets rewarded for destroying our family and our marriage. It's just unbelieveable to me.