Status Unkown

[jon2911]

Hey, my first locked thread!

Last thread: The first 6 months

One of my best friends asked today "what's the status of your marriage". Didn't know what to say, besides "not divorced". Funny how people who aren't in our sitch can't understand. At least I can come here.

Finally have some time to post, journal coming...

[jon2911]

Tuesday – W arrived at 6 PM. She was very impressed by what I’ve done on the house, but we didn’t stay long. Had a great dinner at our favorite Mexican place. She talked the whole time, which is unusual but I liked it. Usually it was the other way around.

The hotel was fantastic. W had mentioned it because Jessica Simpson likes to go there with Ashlee. We had a great time, and she really liked the Make-a-Wish bear I bought her. Plenty of my cologne on it of course

I got a great deal on the room, and even had room-service breakfast included. We’ve never done that, it was a blast. And left time for more naughtiness before checking out…

Her doctor appointment was at 1:30 Wednesday, and she started being weird about it. We had to drop by my place to check on her dog, and she said she’d rather go to her appointment alone. This made me sad, because I asked off work specifically to drive her there, but I stayed upbeat. Finally she said that I’m usually annoying at doctor’s appointments. We had a nice talk about that, and I promised to be better. No laptop, etc. To my surprise, she not only let me come but invited me into the appointment. Much better than the waiting room. I learned a lot during the consultation:

- her stress has gone way up since moving home (go figure). She described her parents as “very annoying”. Doctor recommended she get her own place, which she said she’ll do within 6 months.
- None of the medicines are helping her. They’ll be trying increased doses of some, dropping others, blah blah blah. How frustrating.
- W pushed to start taking narcotics, doctor was resistant. Rebound headaches are a big concern. He prescribed Hydrocodone, but a very limited amount.

We left the appointment, and W got a text saying she couldn’t stay with her friend (darn). I tried not to act happy. W’s friend is a divorced former co-worker who gives her a lot of bad advice. She also shared a couple blogs which have helped her begin to cope with this:
http://themigrainegirl.blogspot.com/
http://www.chronicbabe.com

We had a nice dinner at home, and wanted to see a movie but her headache got worse. I got to hold her for the rest of the night and try and take away some of the pain. Strange that a year ago this made me angry, when our plans were crushed, etc. Now I’m so happy just to be with her. I still don’t know if she wants my long-term help, but it was nice.

So, that was Wednesday, more in a bit.

[MichelleLT]

It's funny how having your life turned upside down really makes you reassess your priorities isn't it? It's amazing how the little things can mean so much.

Can't wait to hear the updates.

[jon2911]

Thursday morning she was feeling much better, which resulted in more naughtiness I went off to work happy. She texted me at work asking for a motorcycle ride to dinner and a movie. I’ve been wanting to take her to the new Studio Movie Grill, and this was a great chance. The food was fantastic and the new Indy movie was great. The night started out a little touchy, but I just acted as if. She relaxed, and I was surprised how much like old times it was, little body language hints, holding hands during the movie, etc. It’s nice when she lets her guard down a bit, but I don’t expect it very much.

Afterwards we picked up one of her prescriptions at Walgreens, and she helped me pick out a few things for around the house. I want to show her that I can make it on my own, but she seemed to really enjoy helping.

Friday morning as I left for work she was sad, which is good, I guess. She still had a lot of packing to do and get back, and it was already two days longer than she’d planned, which was very exciting. I even considered getting a new place to make her visits more pleasant, but the changes I made on the house seemed to erase the old memories. She’ll be in for a doctor’s visit in another month.

I’m still sorting through a lot of things she said, and will post more on that. One thing is that her dad has a way of saying “Lauren” when he’s not happy (which is pretty much all the time), and a headache will start coming immediately. So it’s really hard for her around the house. How much longer can she stand it? At the same time I admire her strength in doing what she feels she needs to do right now, even if I disagree.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like a very nice week.

Seems like your DBing has got her thinking, but she's just not sure enough to make any sort of commitment - so yeah, she's gotta do whatever she needs to do.

I'm interested to hear what else she said.

[LolaL]

Wow you guys sound to be doing great! What is your secret?

[jon2911]

Wow you guys sound to be doing great! What is your secret?

Hmmm, I sure don't feel that way. Easier to see progress from the outside I guess

The DBing stuff really seems to be working though. Trying to make it on my own, and appear busy and happy.

One thing she said "So, you're doing OK? From what I see at the house, it sure seems like it."

Right before she moved, I asked what chance I have to prove to her I've changed if we never see each other (a question I hear a lot on these boards). She said: "well, if you're doing OK the next time I see you, that will mean a lot".

[LolaL]

Thats always a good thing. It is easier to look in and see the progress someone has made, vs. looking at your own life. Keep up the good work!!!

[MichelleLT]

Easier to see progress from the outside I guess

Almost always!

The DBing stuff really seems to be working though. Trying to make it on my own, and appear busy and happy.

Don't forget BEING busy and happy!

She said: "well, if you're doing OK the next time I see you, that will mean a lot".

That seems to be a big thing with WASs, I think because they need to come back because they want to, not because of guilt. If there is ever too much pressure, they will forever wonder if they made the right choice. That's why time, space, patience, and no initiating R talks is sooooooo important. IMHO at least. I am certainly no expert, nor a success story...at least yet or in the near future lol.

[jon2911]

That seems to be a big thing with WASs, I think because they need to come back because they want to, not because of guilt. If there is ever too much pressure, they will forever wonder if they made the right choice. That's why time, space, patience, and no initiating R talks is sooooooo important. IMHO at least. I am certainly no expert, nor a success story...at least yet or in the near future lol.

I think that's right on. Maybe that's why I admire my W's strength. With her health and family junk, it really would be easier to just come back. But I'm realizing I don't want her to do that and wonder about it later.

Maybe you aren't a success story yet, but you definitely win the Most Popular award!

Thanks for the encouragement
(((LolaL))) (((MichelleLT)))