Cagz is really moving ahead Wierd...

[cagzmom]

IMP good to see you...time for me to share my lastest stupid move.

My son has been home from college for almost a month. His only boundary taht he set with his dad was no time with dad if bimbo was there. It was somthing he doesn't want. H has "respected taht" but in the meantime he has not at all attempted to spend any time with s19. Well this past weekend bimbo was gone and he did nothing to involve s19. (apparently she has been leaving on teh weekends and that is stupid #2) Anyway--- I did stupid #1 I called

Stupid #1- After H droppped off d11 I took the kids out ot eat. Financially a stupid move as H got fired (has a temp job) and I dont know if he is going to pay this month which will hurt me terribly financially. Kids drove seperate so after eating I thought...hmmm going to call h (or stbx) I did - he didn't answer so I decided to do stupid #2.

Stupid #2 - I went over there. I knew bimbo wasn't there (or thought so) because he said she was staying gone - so I didn't fret it..I thought we could have a peaceful "new" talk. No fighting just me expressing my concern about s19 and just finding the "new place" we are suppose to be at. NOPE didn't work that way...

Bimbo was apparently on her way "home." Just him using that word hurt. There wasn't yelling and screaming but there were words...angry mean words from him. Then he tells me that "she isn't sure she loved him anymore and he was trying to make this relationship work...." YES that hurt....the bimbo? She GETS HIM in a way where he is going to TRY??!!! WHAT THE F!!! I got one day of I dont love you -- I got the appts. with the counselor where he said he ddin't WANT TO WORK ON ANY relationship...after 20 years he did't want to..but she is worth it? He walked away from all 3 of us --- she is nobody yet she is "worth" working on????

I left before she got back "home" I drove a way so that she wouldn't see my car. Again i was dismissed because of her...and him I know that.

All he said over and over is that he is "f'd in the head." He said he wished last year he would have succeeded at the suicide attempt --- I told him he didn't really want to die--- if he did he wouldn't have called me. He KNEW I would show up and "rescue" him like always... I know he did and does want the inner turmoil to stop--- and right now the turmoil is high..
-job loss--
- no money
- can't pretend to have money cause he has none
- hes ruined his credit
- if it is true bimbo may be done because the ride is no fun now
(however he will hold on tight...i know this about him he won't
be alone!!)

So today I mailed back in my signed copy of the summons. I dont know how long it takes for the official d to take place. I have NO place in his life anymore... I really don't. I have been kind- i have forgiven-- and yet I still want some "place" in his life....Even as a friend yet he tells me to get the F out of his life. So how do I do that?

How do you stand when you are divorced? I mean isn't this site called "divorce busting"?
How do you build a friendship with someone who wants you out of their life?
How do you reclaim your diginity when you been sushed away only to be replaced by a bimbo who has helped rob you of your family?