He left then Cheated ---Now What???

[No Longer BH]

Ok, I'm feeling on edge at the moment. Sometimes I get caught up in my head and just dont know how to get out. I have been thinking about that d@mn email that I sent Friday during my lapse in judgement. The one where I begged for MC and committed all of the no-nos. He responded that he had had a hard day at work (yeah I bet with the demotion and all) and just was not emotional up to replying with an answer yet. For the last 6 months if I sent him an email that contained any emotions or hurt, this is the reply I got and then nothing else. He wants to avoid the hard stuff with me. Since Friday's relapse, I am determined to have NC (and I mean nothing). The problem is that I am terrified every time I open up my email that there is going to be a response that says "No, dont want to do it. Still want OW." The greater possibility is that he just will not address the matter at all. Do you think he is avoiding me because deep down he loves me but cant face the pain or is he just trying to avoid me because I have become a thorn in his side and he just doesnt care anymore. I just dont know what to think.

-Just a little insight. When he came back in Jan, he told me that even though he kept telling me that he did not love me, it was not true. He was trying to convience himself that he did not love me. I hoping that the same still is holding true.

I could use some encouragment or a 2x4, which ever is appropriate. Thanks.