I know exactly where you are at. Been to that boat myself once. Sounds like your H is severly depressed. Is he on any meds? It took a good year for me to get mine on them, but by then it was too late. He was ready to leave the pain (also known as me) behind. Funny, he told me the other day that since he has left he has been feeling so much better. He thinks its because he is not with me. Hello, you meds are FINALLY kicking in plus you are not dealing with real life, just playing with OW. Of course you are going to feel better. D*mn, I HATE this journey!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I went out for a drive tonight and had to drive by OW's moms house (because it was on the way) and what do I see? The OW driving MY CAR! You know the one I pay for every stinkin' month. Well I lost it. I am feeling so lonely and rejected tonight and seeing her drive our car put me over the edge. First she has sex with my husband now she is driving my car. What's next? Is she going to take my job away from me?
So I called H and left a mean message on his voice mail. He calls me back saying how sorry he is and that he was drinking and it is the only time she has ever drivin the car. Blah blah blah. I just let him have it. I said how I don't know what has happened to him since he used to never drink, I said how much I am hurting, that he has lied to me about everything so I dont' know about the car, etc etc etc. He was all appolgetic, but I know I shouldn't have cried and carried on like that.
THEN...the OW calls me! All I hear is "Listen Sara I am sorry that dr...." and I said "You are the last person in the world I want to hear from" and hung up on her. I don't have time to talk to that trash.
I am so upset. Crying, screaming....hurting....I am tired of all this. I hate that he has someone to be with right now and I am all alone. I want my life back. The one I had with him. I am tired of the pain and hurt. I am tired of being strong. I just want this all to end.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
My H looks about the same. When this all began he had lost 15-20lbs and everyone said how good he looked. They didin't know it was from the guilt of him cheating. He also wasn't sleeping. So he says he has no guilt or remorse and is just going to keep on going with this thing. What a sleezoid!! kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know you're hurting, but nothing has changed. So she drove your car -- so what? After what she's already done with your husband, does it REALLY change anything?
You have GOT to stop the reactivity and work your plan. All you did tonite was lower yourself to your husband's level.
My wife aged CONSIDERABLY during her affair. I swear, three months aged her about three YEARS!
I find that interesting and the other comments too. My H looks horrible since this happened. He used to be good-looking, I have lots of pictures where he looks very handsome, but since he started with OW he's lost a bunch of his hair and just looks bad.
One of my friends' parents saw H a month or 2 ago and when they saw him were saying how creepy he looked, not knowing anything about him. And then my friend told them the whole story of H and his OW, etc. I wonder if sometimes what kind of person you are being shows up on the outside or are they depressed or what is going on with that? Karen
Actually yes it does change things. If she got into an accident, I would be held responsible. I don't pay money every month for someone else to drive the car. She didn't have permission to drive it and if something happens I will be up the creek yet again. He needs to know that is unacceptable. I don't think he gets it. I don't think either one of them gets it.
I am done DBing anyway since all seems to be lost. I might as well just finally get my emotions all out before I explode.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I know that since I had my little explosion I now feel so much better than I did all day. I know it isn't DB correct, but I think occassionally having your spouse hear how much you are hurting isn't a bad thing. I have been holding so much in the past week and I needed to get some of it out. And still her driving the car majorly ticks me off. It is just yet another thing that shows me how little respect my H now has for me.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
You have GOT to stop the reactivity and work your plan. All you did tonite was lower yourself to your husband's level.
OK, Puppy I agree with the first part, but you have got to be kidding that Sara lowered herself to her H's level--she couldn't do that if she tried to the rest of her life!!!! Letting the OW drive the car Sara pays for? Who wouldn't be mad at that??? I know we all try to DB & not to react, but we are all human, too...
Sara, maybe you shouldn't decide anything today, but think for a day or 2? (remember the 48-hour rule) Karen
Karen