Well I tried, but guess that person isn't going to post anymore or else have hid on the board elsewhere. That really bothers me when people do that b/c I think I know how much they need all of us and yet won't stick around to give it a chance.
Anyway, thought I would drop by my own thread (lol). Haven't posted much b/c things are about the same. H and I are still baby-stepping to closer R all the time. It is hard to believe that it was just over a year ago when I thought my M was over. I look back and wonder what in the world happened to me. I read so many of the men's threads where their W's have left and they are in so much pain and it makes me realize how badly I hurt my own H. He kept it covered up very well. He never begged or pleaded or cried like I read about a lot of men doing when their W's are going to leave. I actually did not tell him that I was leaving, but he knew he was losing me fast. He did use tough love with me and part of it worked and part of it didn't. I have talked about that before. However, I wanted to say to the LBH that wonder why the WAW does not seem to have more remorse than she shows.......and I'm not certain this is the correct answer, I'm just talking, but I wonder if it just takes a long time for us to really realize how badly we have hurt our H's. It's like Michelle explains in her article, the WAW tries for so long to tell her H and he doesn't listen to her, so she shuts down emotionally and even divorces him emotionally. So, I think that we kind of become numb to any of the H's reaction or feelings b/c we feel that we suffered a long, long time and was not heard. I'm not making excuses for the WAW, but just thinking out loud. As time goes by, I am feeling more remorseful about what happened. It bothered me that I did not feel that way in the beginning. I knew it was wrong and I didn't want to hurt anyone......and yet I did not feel remorse. I did feel anger at my H for treating me like a child in some of his tough love tactics! I think it was when imLyn told me that I still had the heart of a WAW and had not turned lose of the OM in my fantasies. She was right. I still would fantasize about him in my own secret little thoughts. Until we are able to stop that, I don't think we can see a lot of progress made. Even though I would not make contact, etc., it did not stop my mind from wondering if he would have been my "Mr. Right" and we could have been so happy.......and then I would have to MAKE myself stop that kind of thinking. A lot of self discipline has to be applied in a break-off of an EA. I read in a book where that was one of the big differences between men and women. Women daydream or fantasize about the OP more so than men do. I don't know if that is true or not, but for me it was a big problem. I tried to convince myself I was over him.......I talked like I was over him and hopefully I acted like I was over him....but I sure grieved over him for a long time. If we had had a PA.....I guess I would have been distroyed by the effects.
I have said this before, but will say it again......I am blessed to have a forgiving H and a forgiving God. I think I have forgiven myself, (sometimes I still wonder), b/c when I read some of the men's threads it really makes me cry to know that I was one of those women that could cause so much pain.
Well, I will have the reputation for repeating myself! But, just kind of journaling tonight. Hope all of you have a good week.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
