H is having affair after all - part 3

[seekpeaceofmind]

Maybe he didn't love me enough to fight for us or maybe he didn't think us worth it?

I torment myself w/ this kind of thinking, too - I'm sure most LBS do, you'd have to have a pretty strong ego not to. But that's where C and friends have really helped. Plus all of my reading! I was almost laughing at myself this w/e realizing th I am trying to study my way out of this pain. But, what I always come back around to is th my H simply doesn't seem to have the emotional ability to sustain a commitment - he expects it to be easier and can't handle the vulnerability of making mistakes, of being angry or hurt, etc. It's not a lack of love. It's inward, not outward. I wld guess th your H is the same way. Maybe he hates you - but I think it is more likely th he hates what he is doing and th is why he acts as he does. Every time he says "I'm not a b*st*rd" - you have to wonder who he is trying to convince.

I just feel flat, empty, loveless, like i'll never be loved again. I know i'll manage on my own, but I wonder if i'll ever have anyone who will hold me again.

Right there w/ ya - it's not a good feeling, but I think we both know it will pass. I'm trying really hard to concentrate on the present and let the future take care of itself.