Sophie, You will also find other invaluable threads over on the MLC Resources thread. Many, many people had and still continue to have a lot of helpful information that needs to be brought to the attention of posters when they are questioning behaviors of their spouses.
When you have a moment, take some time to visit that thread. I think you'll find many of the answers to your questions there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
