Sophie and Trusting, The lack of sleeping is part of the crisis. Their conscience is working in overtime and their minds are racing constantly. It's like a child who has had entirely too much sugar within an hour.
I want to give you a link to a couple of threads that may be of intereste to you that I started many years ago. They might give you some insight as to what may be going on w/your spouses.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
