Worse before Better?

[Sophie]

Okay I have to tell you about the day.

The end of soccer season always brings a team get together. My H missed S13's soccer party. That was the weekend of my bday and H said he had to leave town for his work. Probably true, but who knows. I know he was avoiding my birthday and we haven't heard from him since.

The soccer mom's plan these parties via email and we've been doing this since Monday. My H has his email on the list also because coach emails everyone schedules.

I didn't know if he was getting any info on the soccer party...sometimes his email works, some times it doesn't.

I didn't think he would go to this, it's not a huge deal and he has been invisible for over two weeks and as far as he knows, I've been in touch with someone...legal.

Anyway.........this morning, I see his number on caller ID. Uh-oh....I chill my nerves and answer it.

Creed...my 'resentment' was in check

I think he heard me take a deep breath before saying 'hello'.

He said, HI...(me)hi....HOw are you? (me)Good...and you?

He said OK..and 'are you guys ready to go?' I really didn't think he'd go!

I said not yet, but we will be, I told him I had to get fruit at the store on the way.

He asked how to get to the party and if I needed anything for it. (Wow...he offered to help out).

I remembered reading here somewhere that if they offer to help, let them!

I said, 'Well...you could get the fruit." (Short and simple, huh?)

He said 'okay, I'll do that'. 'Do you need anything else?'

(I'll tell you......... a billion things went through my head that I needed!!!!!)

I said, nope...you get the fruit and that will help a lot.

He then asked me, "How do you write a letter of resignation?"

I thought a minute and said, 'Dear so and so...I'm sorry to inform you that you will no longer have the pleasure of my assistance."

He has been working two jobs, the first one he has been with since we moved here in 2001...he met OW there,(she was only there 1 year) and there are negative, less ambitious men whom I, nor he, would want around our kids. A couple of these men, are who have been clinging to him since he moved out.

The second job is in the same field, and they want him full time. I heard words come out of my H's mouth today about the first job that I hadn't heard since he told me he was done with our marriage.

He said, "I've had it. I'm done!"

He told me the caliber of people at the new job is non drinking, non smoking, family people. He says he can't take the negativity of the old job! The moral at the job he is quitting is very low. I'm glad he wants to leave this job, because that job place has huge bad reminders of very hard, ugly times for us.

He has spent all day writing, and rewriting a resignation letter. He said he hasn't been able to sleep much lately and this week he has tossed and turned all night, all week. I asked if it was because of changing jobs. He said he wasn't sure if that was the only thing...but, it must be part of it. He says he's excited becasue he feels this will be good 'growth' for him....he proably meant career wise. But, it goes hand in hand with your overall life, right?

It feels good to see him feel better about himself.

I don't resent that. I know he has to feel better about himself before we can really talk about him moving back here.

Geez...two weeks ago, he was saying it was time to talk to someone about something...legal. (He won't use the word 'divorce' or 'lawyer' anymore...)

He had a good time with the kids in the pool at the soccer party. I enjoyed the pretty day, the pretty trees, watched everyone...and felt okay with me. I am fully aware that he still does not live here, he still does not have any comittment to this family. But, he wasn't horrible.

A thunderstorm rolled in and everyone left. The kids and I went home, H went home to keep tweaking his letter and resume.

He said he was nervous. I said, 'let me know how it goes'
He said 'I sure will!'

I guess H had a good day. He doesn't have as many of them as I do....so, that's a good thing for him...

So, at the risk of analyzing...:)....are these steps of a MLC'r coming out of.....something?

I've been reminding myself that resentment isn't going to get anything done...and I feel so much better when I just deal with myself and the kids and also, when I remember that I am honesty doing the best I can.