Circles

[phoenyx]

Her child has been through the same thing. Knowing her, I know this is hard for her. I am not fighting, but I do love her. She was the first woman I loved, and I never stopped thinking about her. I am good as far as not being with her but in a week stuff like this don't happen, if it is something that can be or should be, then I gotta wait, and I don't want her to think that the door is closed. I have to get my book cases for the sake of the boys. I will find another way to let her know that the door is open. I need help on this. I am going to tell you all something that will piss people off. If I'm the only one left on this thread afterwords that so be it.

This has caused a lot of guilt in my life. I NEVER stopped thinking about this woman. I would think about her during my M, and she was the first thought I had after the D. I left it alone and got over it. Everything happens for a reason. If this is the end then okay, but it started, we got together, and I need to know that I did everything I could. I am hurting, yes. But I have to imagine that this isn't easy for her either. That she isn't thinking right. We went fast. Space will hopefully make her think about what we have, that bond. I didn't give it ti XW like I should have. I learned what not to do. I grew. Again, this was my light at the end of a tunnel. This is how I am looking at it. Did I love XW, yes I did. But this is a whole new level. It's not a needy love, it was a happy love. It is worth doing what I can do to keep it. Knowing that I will live without her helps. There is no feeling of need, it is all want. And I want it. My boys love her, they are hurt, they can't be brought on a roller coaster, and they won't. I won't put them through this again. I will find a way to make it all work. I always do.