h4h, sorry you are having a blah day too... I didn't check the moon, but I guess we cannot ask too much being in our situation. I guess real detachment happens only when you don't see the other person on a daily basis, like we are doing.
If I didn't have the kids I would just take off - it would be so much easier for everyone - probably I would even have more chances for a reconciliations..... but in this way.... it is a struggle, the divorce and the pain are always in front of me. It is hard to think to something else.
Besides W knows she can have me with a snap of her fingers, and this is very bad, I can put a lot of effort to try to hide it, but she knows how to push the right buttons and the truth comes out in a way or another. It should not be in this way.
Try to make your campout special. Take lots of photos of you and the kids and try to have a good time.
Time will make things easier. Hang in there and try to enjoy the small little things around you. I know your family is recommending you date, but during D a person is very vulnerable. I don't think you should hesitate in meeting women, and thinking, "Hey, maybe if this goes through I'll date her." (I had a mental list in my head of who I might go out with when the D was final!), but working on yourself, getting healthy and working out past baggage should be number one. Here's another thought. Would you want someone in your position dating you just to "get over the ex?" I know there are people out there who don't mind that role. One of my guy friends told me it was okay for me to "use him." (LOL!!!) But non-serious female friends can be a good thing. And don't mention any of this to your W. You need to become a closed book to her.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Hey ROP - sorry I haven't been on in awhile. I am so sorry I have not kept up with you. There are a lot of great places to go - enjoy. I think up at Mt. Tamalpias they have little cabins you can rent as well - just bring sleeping bags! It has been years since I read about them.
ROP - take care of yourself - as others told me, you need to detach the best you can - even if it is for a couple of hours a day, because that leads to more time when you are detached. Take care of you kids, be well.
We will have to talk, my kids are going to Germany in July - I thin the 15 through 26 of July - if that is the case, bring the kids to camp out at the house! Even if for a weekend.
Take care ROP - lots of chit coming down in all of our sitch's.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
cbk and h4h thank you very much for being here. CBK, don't worry, we are all going through a lot, I am amazed about you guys that give so much to others while still dealing with your own tragedies. You guys are very special....
It turned out that the kids are invited to a birthday party today (Sunday), so no campground... We spent anyway a very nice Saturday together, we played video games, we watched Shrek III, and we all slept in my Studio apartment. Mood was up. D4, during the night vomited the dinner everywhere, poor girl. That was a nearly panic situation because here where I live now I am very little organized for events like this. Usually I would put everything in the laundry, change the linens and the pajamas a fast wash and everybody would be back to sleep in a jiffy. But here was different, S6 didn't want to sleep in the same bad with D4, understandable, I have no laundry inside, so I put everything in the bathtub, I had no extra pajamas, so they dresses with my shirts (they had fun with that), D4 stayed sick for a bit but then got better and back to sleep. At the end I can say things went fairly smooth.... but I slept very little. Got the kids back to W for lunch - W said she was back home but she actually wasn't so we had to wait outside the door for a bit. She had a "kind of sad" face and said, "can you come in? I need to talk" I said that if she has something to say she can write me an email, I have nothing to say and I just want to know the day of next week that I can go and sign the papers, I am super done.... no more talks. I am in such a rage.... I even changed her name on my cell with "Slut". I actually don't like myself so upset, and I hope my anger is going to dissipate with time.... but right now I am furious.... bad for my blood pressure, today I'll go and lift some iron, usually it does miracles.
Well..... go work off that anger. Hit some punching bags, join in on a basketball game if they have that at your gym, or a competitive game of racquetball (and slam that ball!!!!) and you'll feel better. You just need space and time. It's okay to be angry and feel sad and go through all the feelings you need to..... but don't hang onto them too long. We only hurt ourselves with anger..... and while you are feeling it, it's probably best to keep your distance from your W. Just take a little time out for yourself. Anger won't improve anything between you....
So go ahead and feel it. You are entitled to that.... then let it go. You are entitled to healing and growing from difficult experiences. That's what brings wisdom. Take care.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thank you guys, I have been punching pillows, mattresses, a ball that exploded, anything soft enough, and I do feel better after that, for a bit. The situation with W is at the lowest - we basically don't talk to each other. I made it clear I have nothing to say and she is going along with it pretty well, meaning... she is not talking to me and she is fine with that. Anyway it is what it is - I cannot stay close or talk to her without feeling enraged..... besides I really lost much of my hopes, at least for what is going on now - she has a relation with this guy at work - she doesn't feel guilty about it, she doesn't think she is ruining the life of the kids, and about my pain she said once that "this is what happen when people divorce, the left one suffer more - there is nothing she can do about it". Once she also said she is not made of stone - but I am shocked how cold blooded she is in proceeding with her affair and divorce. She is like one mind - she never showed a doubt - or an hint of regret. So here is where I am now - the divorce is inevitable - so be it. I need to get the anger out, exercise and try take care of myself.
