H is having affair after all - part 3

[Evie]

H is growing and becoming more distant. The medium is text or email now and that is getting less.

I realised in the week that H hasn't loved me for years, i think this is really sad and sadder that he couldn't talk to me about it. I think he felt like this way before ow came onto the scene.

I had begun to blame myself b/c its my second M that has gone wrong after about 4 years. What do i do? Do i chance after having children? Is it b/c i stopped him doing his heli-skiing trip and moaned everytime he spent money?.

I do believe however, it was a circle, his lack of support when s2 was born and afterwards his emotional withdrawel from me, my reaction to that was scarcasm and passive aggressive behaviour. I wish i had recognised the signs back then and found DB, i may have had a chance at turning things round.

Maybe he didn't love me enough to fight for us or maybe he didn't think us worth it?

Now he seems to hate me, he wants the house and divorce wrapped up as soon as possible to be able to move on. I can't it, he seems to really hate me. He isn't the man I met or married. I wish he was strong enough to want to fight for this R.

He wants to meet up asap to discuss what we have discussed with the solicitors. I have got all my documents ready to return to her.

On a positive note, D1 &2 and S1 and I ran in 'the race for life' today, it's a 5K charity run for cancer and i have been looking into a college course to start in september.

I just feel flat, empty, loveless, like i'll never be loved again. I know i'll manage on my own, but I wonder if i'll ever have anyone who will hold me again.