I Don't get it!!!

[mockers2]

((((Lee)))))
Sorry you're having such a tough time with all this. I think you're right about the 180, and you can do this. You did it before, and it had an effect on your W for sure.
don't beat yourself up about your argument. We are only human. Just learn from it and go on from here. Have you re-thought your goals at this new stage? I sound like a broken record, but it really helps me when things change in my sitch.
as far as the frequency, personally I think 2-3 times a week is reasonable. I also feel that for many women, if there is stress in other areas, or is she doesn't feel loved and cared for or close to her partner, then sex isn't fun. Your W said she didn't feel you were respecting her feelings. This may be just talk and anger directed at you inappropriately, but how could you show her that you're willing to do this?
IMHO it's also important to try and vent your frustration with this somehow, so you don't vent it at your W. Can you get some time to yourself? To do something to take care of you?
One more thing - I agree that it's probably not best to make a decision about your M while you're so frustrated. Sorry this is going on. Would reading your old threads help? To see how far you've come? This is tough. I'm pulling for you. Hang in there~