Mrs. H, I know it sucks, but until you get the visitation dates/times in place, you may have to do something different. This dropping in whenever "He" feels like it has to stop. You are not the maid and/or babysitter for him. At this time, the house in your domain and he should be respectful in the fact that you require your privacy just as much as he's got his at the pirate's bat cave. He doesn't have a clue as to whether you have plans w/the boys, nor does he care that it's a week/school night. He's just being disrespectful all of the way around and yes, he's a bully to the highest degree.
He's not only manipulating you, but he's doing the same thing to his child. This is not good. I can't help but wonder if this is what happened to him as a child.
I think this free time is to set you up so that he can find out everything you are or are not doing to use in court. The ow is most likely just a companion to him and is listening to all of his plotting.
I know you feel like you are being chased out of your home, but for a while, it's best that you either have friends over, children are out on play dates w/their friends or you are out of pocket. He needs to learn respect, boundaries and above all else, how to play w/others in the sand box.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
