Just woke up in a funk for some reason. Well, the first month of the 6 month waiting period is over.
I'm not obsessing. just lonely. Obviously my heart tells me she's the one or I would never have spent 6 months coming to this site. She's never going to realize anything, though, until she loses it. That said, just because she's the one doesn't mean we'll end up together. life sure ain't perfect!
Okay - pick myself back up. Haven't been doing my regular exercising lately - must be affecting me.
I'd love to be the life of the party. Just don't think I can pull it off. I think pulling back and letting W know she's f*cked up her closest friendship is a more reliable strategy. She already admits she can't talk to anyone like she does with me. Now she just needs to be alone and realize that loneliness + not connecting with OM = figuring things out.
Here's to low tide. I may be alone but I'm getting a hell of a lot of stuff done. Hacked the cr*p out of the rose bushes today. Who plants the entire yard with rose bushes?! This is definitely a long-term project. And ivy - who thought that would be a good thing to let loose in a yard?!
Low tide. That's a good way of thinking about the funk. Then you can count on high tide eventually to wash away the muck. Like I said before, I wouldn't have been able to go to that party and pull it off like some folks were suggesting, either. And I agree, if you don't think you could pull it off -- you end up looking pretty sad. Today is another day!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I'd love to be the life of the party. Just don't think I can pull it off. I think pulling back and letting W know she's f*cked up her closest friendship is a more reliable strategy. She already admits she can't talk to anyone like she does with me. Now she just needs to be alone and realize that loneliness + not connecting with OM = figuring things out.
Here's to low tide. I may be alone but I'm getting a hell of a lot of stuff done. Hacked the cr*p out of the rose bushes today. Who plants the entire yard with rose bushes?! This is definitely a long-term project. And ivy - who thought that would be a good thing to let loose in a yard?!
Hi, Lodo,
I've posted this before, but I honestly think my wife missed the loss of my "best friendship" more than she did my affection. We pretty much had a sex-starved, affectionless marriage anyway, and she'd long since taught herself to be a "sexual camel" in that regard.
But she REALLY missed having someone to talk to about her job, her day, her life, and when I pulled that waaayyyyy back (just treating her like I'd treat a roommate), it really, REALLY got to her.
lodo I am coming to the same realization with my H. He isn't going to realize what he has lost until it is gone. I know the man I married was the one for me and I will love him in some way for the rest of my life. Not saying that I am going to love the man he has became but my wonderful memories of the one I walked down the aisle to. That is the man I will always love at least a small part. But that doesn't mean that I will be willing to take him back at the drop of a pin whenever he finally realizes what a huge mistake he has made. It is so sad for us that we have to lose what we love, but we just have to work through it and hope that there is something better on the other side of it.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Yep, my W also was a "sexual camel" but we talked constantly about everything. It's that solid friendship that I valued and she didn't. As Nietzsche wrote, "When entering a marriage, one should ask the question: do you think you will be able to have good conversations with this woman right into old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory, but most of the time in interaction is spent in conversation."
So I've done 2 revealing snoops - one at her journal from 9 years ago and the other with her email to her mother. In the journal, she'd broken up with me but kept thinking about me constantly. Over and over she wrote that I'd know what to say in some situation and that grew and grew until she found herself wanting to be with me again.
In the email, she is now admitting she misses our conversations but she's still at the point of saying it's only talking and that isn't something that sustains a R. You know, because R should be naturally self-sustaining without requiring any work or involvement on the part of both partners, right? Sheesh! Anyway, I can't help but think that she's starting the same slide into loneliness. I know I am.
Man, I hate being open to her, though. This is what drives me crazy about DR. Part of me says "Be the friend and she'll snap out of it" but the other part says "Cut her off and find someone who'll be as supportive of you as you are of her."
ACK! Our first house H and I bought together was covered with ivy. I kid you now. The entire front lawn was ivy. And it was creeping up the house! H and I were knee deep in it (with plenty of snakes too) for weeks....Ivy has a mind of it own, and its very strong willed. lol
