My last thread is approaching 100 posts. So time for a new thread. To maintain continuity, I have cut posted my last post below:
Hi Everyone:
My angst of the day - I just read that FLTC's thread about his D16's bulemia was CENSORED.
I cannot begin to fathom how a father posting about being stationed in Iraq serving his country while his D16 struggles with bulimia while dealing with D related issues rises to the level of "idle chit chat" - or "random thoughts."
I cannot begin to fathom how posting to detach from the emotional impact of losing one's job and managing the angst associated with how this will impact their kids is considered to be "idle chit chat."
I cannot begin to fathom - how posts directed towarrds shifting the focus from D pain to the better things in life have been deemed disconnected from a D.
My friend has issues with bulemia and said that it is an attempt to exert control over some part of her life when all the other parts seem so out of control. It appears that the moderators view D16's issues as being completely disconnected from his issues with his W.
While the moderators may disagree with me - a D creates issues that deeply affect all members of the family and many other aspects of our lives. In fact, it is tough sometimes finding a part of ourselves that has not been affected by our D's on some level. IMHO, one simply cannot apply DB principles to a single issue in isolation from the other aspects of our lives.
I have been applying DB principles in my professional life with great success. I use it on a daily basis with respect to my management duties - and it has resulted in my getting increasing amounts of responsibility. I have applied DB principles in managing R's with my mother, friends and neighbors.
I disagree with the position that I have not been DB'oing b/c I am no longer DB'ing to save a M. DB'ing is about state of mind - not necessarily the issue that the principles are being applied to.
As for the idle chit chat. During my sessions with Michele, she actually did use a lighter hearted tone on occassion to descalate the tension and help me relax when I was DB'ing to save my M. And she had what I understood to be a more holistic approach to DB'ing - that is why I understood GAL to be such a big part of DB'ing. She assessed where I was in all the different aspects of my life as a part of the goal setting process.
Moderators are in a position of power in this forum. With power comes responsibility and angst regarding when to be heavy handed and when to apply a lighter touch. I question the wisdom of the random application of censorship w/o any clear guidelines of what consistitutes appropriate subject matter. Terms like "idle chit chat." "random thoughts" and high sounding mission statements are vague and fail to provide any meaningful guidance. The use of broad, vague and ambiguous terms in defining standards lend themselve to the individual personal subjective interpretation of those terms by those in a position of power and can lead in to the non-uniform application of those vague standard by different individuals. Such standards also tend to generate conflict b/c those being managed typically interpret these standards differently that those managing. IMHO, clarity is key when it comes to successfully managing people - whether they be employees or posters in a forum.
Perhaps the moderators should consider eliminating this forum altogether - rather than slowly chipping away at what we are allowed to post here. The truth is we are D or facing impending D's in this forum. Our focus is on getting through the D and creating a life after D - which requires IMHO slowly working shifting one's focus from D pain towards the other issues we face in our lives.
