My h used to come over and visit the kids and bring his cell in the house. The ow would call continuous and he would answer while I was in the same room!!!!! He would come over to mow in the beginning and she would call while he was mowing and he would answer it. He would get mad at me in the beginning when I would call him because it used up his minutes but when she called they went over minutes every single month!!!
I set bounderies. I told him when he came over that if he brought his phone in with him or had it on that he could just leave. He finally left it in the car and when he would leave to go back to the ow he would call her before he left the driveway!!! So you see this is just typical behavior of the MLCer!
As far as him saying you guys are over, we are only married on paper. I heard those EXACT same words. Heard that the divorce is just a formality because as far as he was concerned we were no longer married. Period. He now says he was saying that at the time to convince himself as much as it was to convince me. He said he was trying to get me to agree so he could have justification and feel OK in his mind about what he was doing.
Hi, I'm kind of new to posting...been around a long time. I've been following Hard2Forgive as well.
I keep hearing the same thing...and ... I actually WANT to agree with him now...but, not for the same reasons. I wouldn't have to give my reasons...but, what would happen if we agreed that we are 'over'? We're supposed to 'agree' with everything else?
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
I agree with Bworl and YR. Set a boundary about him talking to her while at YOUR house. FW talked to OW a couple of times while he was with me. Once he called his parents and told them that she was going to be on the news and to watch it while he was at my house. I told him I did not appreciate it and to not do that kind of thing anymore. He never did.
Sophie - I've read from another source that many times they will totally backpedal if you all of a sudden start agreeing with them enthusiastically about the divorce. I don't know though. It was never something I wanted to try. I did tell FW that I would not stand in his way if it is what he really wanted, but that I would not help him in any way either. He was going to have to do all the leg work, find babysitters for our kids (and it was NOT to be OW), etc etc.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
Hey Everyone.... If my son hadn't been in the car or around my H all day I would have told him to call his whore somewhere else....my heart just dropped when I saw and heard him...I find that so rude...I would never do that to ANYONE!!
Once we were at a volleyball game and he was sitting in a chair and whipped out the IPOD OW bought him and I just looked at him and rolled my eyes and walked away...then I didn't speak to him the rest of the day...he never brought it out again...or he heard me tell someone if I see it out again I'm breaking it...I haven't seen it since...he's lucky cause I would break it...I'm getting a bit stronger...I used to do EVERYTHING for him, now I'm learning to ignore his sly suggestions for things...
Yesterday he was saying he needed a new tire for his motorcycle and I just said, "sell the motorcycle"...that's it...then on the way home from baseball he saw another motorcycle and he said that's the one I want....I didn't even acknowledge what he said...I'm sure the OW will buy it for him...she seems to have all kinds of money to spend on him...her x's of course....wonder if he knows she bought him an IPOD while they were married...
My oh my they are truly living in a dream world with lots of presents....
H wants me to save money...is that so HE can spend it...well..extra money I give to my mom...she holds it...mama didn't raise no fool....
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Maybe its time to get your own checking account and have the statement go to your mom's or just choose to look at your statements online instead of having the bank send them to you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese you could try switching it up a bit. When h said that is the motorcycle I want your response how funny h that's the one I want too.
When he says you save money, your response your right h, we do need to save money.
Try putting some humor in the conversation and agree with what h is saying. Now is not the time to disagree. They are only statements. What you say and what reality is are two different things.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
It is amazing how distorted the MLC's reality is. Calling OW in front of their spouse ( and all the other examples) is so disrespectful, like a child seeing how much they can get away with.
I wonder if they remember any of this when the "wake up"....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Yes, they do remember quite a bit of what they've done. Some will "conveniently" forget what they said and done, but will eventually drop "hints" that they do, in fact, remember.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is amazing how distorted the MLC's reality is. Calling OW in front of their spouse ( and all the other examples) is so disrespectful, like a child seeing how much they can get away with.
I wonder if they remember any of this when the "wake up"....
This was done in the very beginning when my H went thru that phase. This lasted for just under a year, if I recall, but then this did not happen again.
Honestly, they are not in their right minds and it is frustrating to say the least.
H used to do this when he was super drunk and in front of the girls mostly.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
