Bring on the Rain - Part 2

[NoCodeBlues]

(((Sue)))

Hang in there, girl. You are so much stronger now. Your H is the one who's lost -- while you are found.

Props and best regards, Lwb Jr.

[LL44]

Props and best regards, Lwb Jr.

Well, she has surpassed me because I am terrified to write up a contract for this house I want on our street. lol That's my goal this week.

Sue:

The garage door at 3:30am. Oh sweetie, been there done that. Remember, the night before we left for Florida (in Feb), H *never* came home. That was it for me. And I told him on vacation he wouldn't be coming home. I couldn't do it anymore.

D4 wasn't paying attention when you signed the lease. It'll be ok. If YOU were moving out (away from D), that would rock her world in a bad way, but I swear she will hardly notice H being gone. And you can play up the new apt as an adventure.

Glad you made the weekend yours and yours alone. You are amazing.

[SueS]

lwb-

I don't know if I'd call myself amazing. I'm terrified to tell the truth. I know that I'd be in the exact same mindset as you are if I owned this place. I don't and I have a set deadline. I HAVE TO be out by July 31st. I've been told before by my H to start looking for a place. I'm just doing what I need to do so I'm not scrambling at the last minute to find a place.

Yes, the 3:30 am gararge door opening. I know you've been there. I do remember your H not coming home before the FL trip. Sad.

Can I do you one better though? Joie, if you're out there, I need your input. Sadly, I'm sure you can already guess why. H went to work yesterday, then to golf with some buddies. We had a storm roll through and it was raining with hail. The bad hail was right where they were golfing. Not sure why, but I called him. That was at 6:40 pm. He said that they'd just gotten off the golf course. He said they were going out but that he'd probably be home about 8:00 or so. I didn't count on it though, as he's never kept any promise. I didn't call him when I went to bed at 10:30. My phone rang at 1:42 am. It was H. He asked if I could come and pick him up at our city police station. YES, a DUI. The officer was really nice to me. He said that it was the lowest class offense he could give him. H will be sent info. about a court date and will lose his license for 90 days. Not sure what the fine will be or if he'll have to do community service. This morning I asked H some questions about it. I told him that he's a lucky man. I told him that he's lucky he didn't hurt anyone, that he isn't getting a higher level offense & that of all the times that he's driven drunk, he's made it to nearly 41 years old before it happened. H said that he's learned the hard way. However, I know full well that it won't stop him. Thoughts ran through my head of how I'd be angry if it did stop him. Of all the years that I've gone through this and now, as we're splitting, the issue that has really been our problem, would be coming to an end. However, again, I know he won't stop. He's an alcoholic. He joked that he'd blame it on his friend for wanting to go out. I reminded him that he'd told me he'd be home by 8:00. I also told him that no one MADE him go out. He is capable of saying no. I'm scare of how this may impact me/D4. I just talked to the insurance man the other day asking if he could quote me on insurance just for my vehicle. H will have to be on the insurance because he's on the title to my vehicle right now. However, he won't be listed as a driver. I don't know how this will affect that. I'm scared my rates will rise or we'll be dropped.

We had promised D4 that we'd go shopping today & then take her to lunch. Odd as things were with last night's events, we still did that. H had 2 beers at lunch. So, again, what happened last night won't stop. However, he was smart enough to ask me to drive. I wonder, what, if anything he'll tell OW about it.

Speaking of OW, I did peak at H's phone this afternoon. The last outgoing call to OW was yesterday at 6:53.....just minutes after I talked to H. She tried him back.....at 1:59 am. 1:59 AM!!! Just about the time I was pulling up to the police station to pick him up. Should have been her picking his drunk a$$ up. I almost told him to call her. However, the police officer had also gotten on the phone and asked me if I could pick him up.

It was a nice lunch with D4 though. We went to this great restaurant that has a rooftop area. It was on the 4th floor & had a great view of downtown Minneapolis. MCOJH....ever been to Stella's Fish Cafe on W. Lake Street? (Calhoun Square). If not, I'd recommend. I book a lot of dinners there for work too. It's a fun place.

Well, I better get busy. I have more to do around here. I bargain shopped for D4 again today. I love shopping for her.

Have a good day/evening. I'll try to get on later.

NoCode.....I saw your post last night. You made me smile. Thanks!

SueS

[Rob1231]

I don't know if I'd call myself amazing. I'm terrified to tell the truth.

Ah, Sue, don't you see? It's having the guts and the strength to do what you need to - in SPITE of being terrified - that is what makes you amazing!

Honestly, I'm sorry the police let H off with the bare minimum. I wish they had thrown the book at him. I realize that this could have had some serious repurcusions for you, such as the insurance. However, I still worry that there's a much bigger accident waiting to happen as long as he continues down this path - and the fallout from that could be way worse.

Many hugs and good wishes!

[SueS]

Rob- Thanks! As always, your post made me feel better.

I am scared. I realized that this morning. However, I know that I'll be okay. I have to be. I'll do my best to make it a good home for D4 and myself. It's just hard thinking about the fact that for the past 17 years I've had someone there with me. Despite everything that's gone on during our time together, he has been there. It will just take a lot of getting used to.

H and I talked a little more last night about the DUI. From what I can see, he'll get at least a $1000 fine and lose his license. There are other things that could happen, but I'm not 100% sure what they are. He'd told me that here in MN they put special vehicle plates on when you've received a DUI. With everything that I looked up, that's only when you're a repeat offender or if there are special circumstance to your situation (a child in the car, a certain BAC level....etc.). He didn't remember his BAC and I forgot to ask the officer. Any way, with the plates, they put them on your vehicle during the duration of your license suspension. You can request a special license for going to/from work. The bad thing if that would happen, is that they CAN take your normal vehicle plates off ANY vehicle that has your name on it. That would include mine. I made sure H knew that. I told him that this is a serious issue, but that it appears that he may get the least amount of punishment. I'd like to see if they require any type of counseling. H thanked me for picking him up. He told me that he knew I didn't have to do that.

We had a decent evening. Gave D4 her bath. She LOVES that time. Then, we all played a game. She loves playing board games so we try to buy those for her whenever we can.

Well, it's another Monday. The beginning of another week and another month. I hope it's a good one for everyone here. My heart & thoughts are with everyone. I wish we didn't have to be here.

SueS

[mcojh]

Sue-I will send you an e-mail later. You are missing some stuff on the license plates etc.

[SueS]

Thanks mcojh, I was hoping you'd clarify things for me, if needed.

SueS

[SweetRedd]

Sue,

Hugggs to you. What a weekend you had! You came through it amazingly and your H is still in denial. It was only a matter of time, but I was hoping when/if he was arrested it'd be more of an eye opener for him. I too wish they'd have been tougher on him so he couldn't just shrug it off as no big deal.
You didn't have to drag D4 out in the middle of the night to pick him up did you? Ya'll deserve SO much better.

You should be very very proud of yourself dear Sue. You're putting yourself in good position to separate from your H's downward spiral. There is a better way to live for you and D4. (((SUE)))

[SueS]

Hi Sheila!

mcojh is from MN too and has clued me in to a few things. H had told me that he was told by the police officer that they would probably consider it the lowest offense possible. However, we won't know the actual level of the offense until he gets the paper work. I'm going to go to the Police Dept. tomorrow and ask for a copy of the report too. This just bites. I'm scared of how it will affect my insurance coverage too. I could lose my insurance too. I may end up taking H off of my vehicle earlier than anticipated. Anyone know how that's done when he's on the loan too? Do I have to completely refinance my loan? This could really put me in a bind.

Yes, I did have to drag D4 out of bed and down to the police station with me. I made her sit on H's lap as I talked to the officer. She had some questions for H the next morning.

I'm trying to imagine life with just me and D4. I know there's a better way to live for us, but it's still tough. I have a feeling that D4 and I will be doing a lot of cuddling at the beginning.....helping each other adjust. I thought I had a lot of things worked out and now H has added one more obstacle for me.

SueS

[saffie]

Sue,

I know things could well be very different over there to here...but over here ownership of a vehicle and insuring it are two different things. For examplw, when I was younger, my dad owned my first car, but I had my own insurance policy on it...to build up my no claims discount. Basically the only rule was that you can't insure the same vehicle twice, so that if it is involved in an accident two people can't claim on it. Proof of ownership does not relate to insurance. I sure hope it is the same for you and then you can just take your H off the insurance but still have the loan in his name. The loan does need to be in the name of the person who owns the car though I would think, as the car is the asset tied to the loan- unless it is an unsecured loan; just depends on the type of the loan.