It wasn't a great night, but I got thru it. My girlfirend came over and we were drinking the champagne when my H called. He was bringing dinner home from the bar. I told him that J was there, and asked if he could bring 3 dinners. He did, and we had a nice evening, almost like old times.
The next day it was back on the mechanical bull. H took off right after breakfast to do some "running." I left a bit later to do mine, shopping & groceries etc. When I returned later that afternoon he was just out of the shower and getting dressed. I asked him why he was showering this time of day? He said that he was getting ready to go to an openhouse. (We were both invited) He didn't want me to go with him. Said he was tired of me controlling him, said that I was an embarassment to him and that he didn't want to be with me. I felt like he had stuck a knife into my heart. The funny thing is, the openhouse was for a family friend, and all of our family would be there at some point too. I got my purse and keys, got in my car and left the house for about an hour. When I came back H was sitting on the couch watching tv, so I took my own shower and started to get dressed. He asked me where did I think I was going, and I told him I had made my own plans. He asked what they were, because he didn't want to cross paths with me. I told him that would not likely happen. When I came downstairs he was gone.
I tried to call J to see if she wanted to get a drink and dinner, but she already had plans. I drove out to the mall and walked around, did a bit of shopping. H's truck was at the bar when I went through town. I shopped for a couple of hours, bought some new lingerie (not like he will notice)and about 8:30 drove home. H's truck was still at the bar. I came into the house, poured a glass of wine and got into the hot tub. I sat until dark, then went to bed. I did not leave any lights on for him, and I locked the door. (We live out in the country, and usually leave the doors unlocked.) We are having road reconstruction done though, and I have been feeling uneasy with all of the construction contractors about. Lately I have been thinking about how awful it would be to wake up and have someone strange standing at the foot of my bed. I'm sure that these thoughts are connected to my fears that my H will leave me and I will again be alone, but what ever. I believe it's good to listen that that little voice in your head. He probably thinks that I was trying to make a statement by locking him out so he would have to fumble for his key. So what.
This am he is hung over and grouchy. He keeps trying to push buttons and I am ashamed to admit that I have resonded a couple of times. He told me that I ruined his evening for him last night, and then in almost the next breath he asked if we were going to work together on the lawn today. I told him no, that he didn't want to be with me, remember? A few minutes later he asked me if I was going to be a bitch all day. I replied that I wasn't being a bitch, and he asked "what are you being?" I said "hurt and angry." I guess he thought that was funny. He told me that I was all done trying to control him and our marriage....he said this as he opened the fridge door, took out a gallon of milk and took a big swig right from the jug. I looked at him and he just said..."guess I'm back to my bachelor days." Good Lord!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
