W and I piecing this M back together #3

[Rob1231]

Hi, Lan. Wow, deja vu....

I recently surprised my W with a trip to Las Vegas (somewhere we had talked about going for a long time). When I first told her about it, she completely froze up - her body language was actually very humorous (but believe me, I didn't laugh out loud). She came back with a million objections, almost all of which I had anticipated and had a good answer ready for. Only after a solid hour of talking her off the ledge, easing her worries, and sharing all of the fun plans I had made, did she start to get truly excited. (The trip was a couple weeks ago and we had a wonderful time.)

Some background: My W is also a major "planner", and a lot of that has to do with control. She needs to feel in control of a situation in order to be comfortable. In fact, over the years, one of her complaints has always been that I didn't do enough planning - of our weekends, our vacations, our retirement, you name it. However, at the same time she has said that, she's never been willing to relinquish the reins and LET me do the planning. My favorite example of this was the year that we were driving back home from a vacation at the beach, and she started planning the NEXT year's vacation right there in the car. Now, I really AM capable of doing some good planning - but who could compete with THAT?

Bottom line - Don't worry too much about your W's initial poor reaction to your wonderful surprise. Some people - and I think we are both married to them - just don't handle surprises well, for whatever reason. That doesn't mean we shouldn't make the effort, and it doesn't mean they won't "come around" after the shock wears off. I'm thrilled she is now on board, and I hope you have a wonderful time.