That is the thing her being out doesn't bother me that much it still does a little but, the thing that bothers me the most is that bam I say something about her being out and all of a sudden im controlling again. WTF. It is the first time I have said anything about it in almost 4 months. I didnt say anything about her coming in any earlier just that she let me know where she was so that I dont worry. I think its just common courtesy(sp). Im not out partying after work because I have to be home so that she can go to work. How would she like it if I just didnt show up or let her know what was going on. It does feel like a step backwards. I just don't get the attitude.
The other thing is she says she wants another child but she will have to be home if she expects to have another one. I don't think I can put up with having 3 childern:).
Lee, Bummer. Back on the rollercoaster. Would she be okay with calling you to tell you that she is going out? Maybe you all need to sit down and talk about why she stayed out all night, and that it is really bothering you because it is more of the same behavior from when things were not good several months ago. Tell her (calmly) how it made you fell. Ask her why she needed to go out again. You guys have to get to the root of your problems or you are just going to keep repeating them. Is there a counselor in your area that you could go to?
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I am looking into that again, the C again. Last time I looked I could not find a SB thearpist. I only contacted a couple though. That is when she said she didnt want to go to a C. Im not sure if she would be willing to again.
The thing is I am really not all that worried bout the going out anymore. As long as we have the family that we have now. But if we decided to have a baby and then she starts this up again I dont think I would be able to handle that. Why she feels the need to go out I really have no idea. I guess I just need to talk to her when Im not half awake and that would probably server me better.
Quote: Then she says are you going to be controlling again?
Just want to tell you I've had the exact same accusations. I think it's more of a defense mechanism our Ses use because they know we don't agree with their decisions...and because we don't agree we are "controlling." My W during her WA period used this one on me repeatedly because I would challenge her immature actions.
My guess is that your W is still trying to work things out. I know after finding about my W's A that she wanted to still go out, but didn't out of respect for how we were trying to work things out. I suspect had I demanded the same thing a couple months sooner, she would still go out as she wished and claim I was controlling. Just recently my W admitted that she was acting like a spoiled brat during that time...very self-centered. Your W seems to still be working through this stuff, so just give it some more time.
Hi Lee ~ That sounds really frustrating! I agree with Jethro that maybe your W is still working through some things, and needs a bit more time. I don't think that what you said was controlling at all and agree thatit is just courteous (sp?) to let someone know you're OK if you're going to be out. Maybe lay low so to speak and see what happens. Seems like ups and downs in their behavior is pretty common too. This doesn't make it any easier though. Could you rethink things at this new stage and set some goals? This helps keep me focused. Just a few thoughts. Hang in there. You're doing great ~
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Well I decided to talk to my W about our sexual issues. Was that ever a bad Idea. All it did was start a big fight. The onething that stood out in my mind was that she siad that maybe we would be better of without each other. The problem I am having is trying to come up with a lot of reasons why she isn't right.
I asked her if we could work on these. She said that we already have and and we cant fix them. I told her that I really felt like she wasnt respecting my feelings about this. She instatnly said that I do not respect her feelings at all either that every time she says no that I walk away mad. She is kind of right on that one.
Is all this really worht it? I dont know I think that tonight I need to do some soul searching and see if I am willing to do this and make this work for the long haul.
I also said that can we go and see someone to help us she just grunted and walked off. So from what I gather she doesnt even want to try and see if there could be something to help this. I really dont blame her I would probably be doing the same thing if I was in her shoes.
I think Its probably over. It is 2am and she still isnt home. Im guessing she is with 20 somthing doing whatever because she can. My guess also is that she has taken off her wedding ring. Evrything is just so easily over for her, I guess it never really was ment to be.
One other thing that worries me is that I haven't cried yet for this. We were planning somthing on saturday with just the 2 of us I will bet that is over as well.
