A, He's suffering from the martyr syndrome. Stop apologizing! You did absolutely nothing wrong here. You didn't know what his schedule would be, and your intentions were good. You've apologized and explained what you did and that should be enough for this man/child. He needs to stop and look at the entire picture and realize that his schedule has been all over the place and he's been unreliable at best on a number of occasions. He needs to grow up and accept the consquences of his actions.
Now, you should have a very good picture of where he's at in his crisis. He's not progressed further than a 15 yr old. Your children are more mature than he is right now. So, what do you do? Ignore this behavior. Don't buy into his acting out. You are the adult in this situation, so your decisions have to be what you want and what is best for your children. Your h made the decision to walk and can't bring himself to face his own demons, so why should you be called the martyr? You are there, in the house, taking on all of the responsibility of every little detail while he's out there on the streets. You, a martyr? I dont' think so.
Depression is about feeling guilt about the past. Depression and anxiety work at opposite ends of the pole. Anxiety is feeling guilty about something in the future. I have an old thread on Depression and MLC in Tandem. You may want to read it. It will give you a "fast track" version of some of the topics that you'll read about on depression.
If you end up going to the banquet, have a good time and leave your h at the door for the evening. You've been walking on eggshells for a long time, it's time to get back on the concrete and live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
